Hello everyone. I hope these words find you all in great health and even better spirits. I'm okay myself. Can't necessarily brag. But can't complain either. But I just wanted to take a quick second to explain this piece. It's called "Guilty Plea," and basically it started as a fluke. I've been a little stressed today. My mind racing, and thinking about a myriad of things. And I initially just wanted to type up the stuff I was thinking about, just to get it out of my mind. So I came up with the idea of just typing a confession. Just saying everything I wanted to say. Then that turned into the notion of picturing myself on the stand, like in a courtroom. The only difference is that while, I am the defendant on the stand, I am also the judge. The jury is made up of my many moods. And I am the prosecutor, etc. But with that idea in mind, the "confession" I was typing, very quickly turned into a poem. So once again, while I wasn't trying to rhyme, it ended up doing just that, lol. FML. But seriously, as I was writing, my train of thought shifted from the things that were bothering me, to someone who has made me smile lately. So the poem shifts, into a perspective that I am on the stand still, and I'm speaking to an audience of one. And there are references in the poem so that if she were in the metaphorical courtroom, she would know that I was speaking directly to her. But anyways, enough of my rambling. I'll let you all read it now. Hopefully you enjoy it. And as always, thank you so very much for reading all of this.
It means more than you will ever, ever, ever, wait for it... ever... know.
It means more than you will ever, ever, ever, wait for it... ever... know.
"Guilty Plea (One Count Of Confusion)"
2014
Let me slam the gavel down
And beg for order in this court
I have to plead my case
And I've reached my last resort
I left my old confessions choked
By the grips of my regret
So I can't raise my hand to swear
That'll I promise to forget
And if I looked deep inside
I'm probably devoid
Of emotions that are pure
Shit, they were probably destroyed
Now everybody's watching me
Am I fucking paranoid?
Or is this depression that I hide
Proving that it cannot be denied?
Got so much shit on my mind
Now I can't even rest
And while I'm laying down
I feel it weighing on my chest
And so I'm wondering
How I got into this mess now
Looking for an escape switch
That I could find and press down
Maybe that would take the stress down
But I really doubt it
Tired of chasing money
But I can't live without it
I'm about to start a new job
That I am bound to hate
Because it's not my dream
And it'll leave me shackled to a fate
That drains the life from days
And dulls the shining stars at night
And here I really am afraid
That I will never feel alright
And I keep thinking 'bout a woman
That I can't really have
And she may have a notion
But she doesn't know the half
Look inside my mind's eye
And I can picture her again
But I can never hold her
Only exchange a message now and then
'Cause I'm the only one alone
Out of this potential pair
But I've imagined how she tastes
While I felt her fingers in my hair
And I know she yearns for freedom
So she finds in my words
'Cause right there in the stanzas
Lies the life that she deserves
Since the one that she goes home to
Is always acting like a child
And he doesn't stimulate her mind
No, not even for awhile
Conversations are so shallow
And the topic's not profound
So she feels the needs to reach out
When she knows he's not around
And yet I picture her so much
That I see her when I'm blinking
And with the kind of man I am
I can't stop myself from thinking
How can a woman have a full house
Yet always feel like she's alone
And have to read my new lines
To feel like she should have a throne
Just so that she could rest in
And help her hold the curves
That this man would love to drive through
Instead of getting on her nerves
In the many ways that he does
When he's taking her for granted
But I think that she's amazing
So I know my judgment's slanted
And I've known her for so long
That she should feel inclined
To reach me when she needs me
If she has got the time
But there's a little secret
And she's gotta know the truth
This poem is my guilt plea
And I'm feeling proud of it to boot
And I know that she would blush
If she could see inside my mind
'Cause I've been inside of her
For a prolonged amount of time
And with every daydream
There came a new position
And with the way she'd softly scream
I knew there was nothing missing
And when we weren't kissing
She'd tell me how to hit it
But then I'd often wake up
Still wishing I could live it
But I'm feeling like I said enough
'Cause the bitter judge is angry
And if I keep talking
I fear that he is gonna hang me
So maybe I should let the defense rest
And just hope you read this
Then one day you can put your hand
in a certain place
And whisper that you need this
And baby, that will be the day
That I will reach the status
Of the demi-god we discussed
That's in the vein of Atlas
Or maybe I'm Achilles
Without the weakened heel
Or maybe I'm just a mortal man
Who wants to believe
that certain dreams can be real...
2014
Let me slam the gavel down
And beg for order in this court
I have to plead my case
And I've reached my last resort
I left my old confessions choked
By the grips of my regret
So I can't raise my hand to swear
That'll I promise to forget
And if I looked deep inside
I'm probably devoid
Of emotions that are pure
Shit, they were probably destroyed
Now everybody's watching me
Am I fucking paranoid?
Or is this depression that I hide
Proving that it cannot be denied?
Got so much shit on my mind
Now I can't even rest
And while I'm laying down
I feel it weighing on my chest
And so I'm wondering
How I got into this mess now
Looking for an escape switch
That I could find and press down
Maybe that would take the stress down
But I really doubt it
Tired of chasing money
But I can't live without it
I'm about to start a new job
That I am bound to hate
Because it's not my dream
And it'll leave me shackled to a fate
That drains the life from days
And dulls the shining stars at night
And here I really am afraid
That I will never feel alright
And I keep thinking 'bout a woman
That I can't really have
And she may have a notion
But she doesn't know the half
Look inside my mind's eye
And I can picture her again
But I can never hold her
Only exchange a message now and then
'Cause I'm the only one alone
Out of this potential pair
But I've imagined how she tastes
While I felt her fingers in my hair
And I know she yearns for freedom
So she finds in my words
'Cause right there in the stanzas
Lies the life that she deserves
Since the one that she goes home to
Is always acting like a child
And he doesn't stimulate her mind
No, not even for awhile
Conversations are so shallow
And the topic's not profound
So she feels the needs to reach out
When she knows he's not around
And yet I picture her so much
That I see her when I'm blinking
And with the kind of man I am
I can't stop myself from thinking
How can a woman have a full house
Yet always feel like she's alone
And have to read my new lines
To feel like she should have a throne
Just so that she could rest in
And help her hold the curves
That this man would love to drive through
Instead of getting on her nerves
In the many ways that he does
When he's taking her for granted
But I think that she's amazing
So I know my judgment's slanted
And I've known her for so long
That she should feel inclined
To reach me when she needs me
If she has got the time
But there's a little secret
And she's gotta know the truth
This poem is my guilt plea
And I'm feeling proud of it to boot
And I know that she would blush
If she could see inside my mind
'Cause I've been inside of her
For a prolonged amount of time
And with every daydream
There came a new position
And with the way she'd softly scream
I knew there was nothing missing
And when we weren't kissing
She'd tell me how to hit it
But then I'd often wake up
Still wishing I could live it
But I'm feeling like I said enough
'Cause the bitter judge is angry
And if I keep talking
I fear that he is gonna hang me
So maybe I should let the defense rest
And just hope you read this
Then one day you can put your hand
in a certain place
And whisper that you need this
And baby, that will be the day
That I will reach the status
Of the demi-god we discussed
That's in the vein of Atlas
Or maybe I'm Achilles
Without the weakened heel
Or maybe I'm just a mortal man
Who wants to believe
that certain dreams can be real...
