The Monster Treading Water

"The Monster Treading Water"
2014

If I were to cross this ocean full of thoughts
Would I find you on the shore
Watching as the waves slowly rose to crash
With their machinations pure
'Cause as I float here hopelessly
I try to think my pleasant thoughts
For the abyss I coast upon
Is the proof of all that negativity has wrought
That is why the tides are black
And thick as petroleum
Knowing that horrors I've hid beneath
Were capped with doubts of holy ones
But I'm nothing without my thoughts
So why do I feel such shame
Since I know I made each conscious choice
To shape the monster I became
With written, long-winded dreams
Claiming I rang the bell inside the towers
Like that misshapen beast of classic lore
Who was left without an ounce of power
Thinking there was one who'd hear the call
And come rushing in to aid
But if they say that love is just a game
Will there ever be a prize for getting played?
But friend, I'm fearing not
Since there is a law that states
That we only get what we attract
Like some form of strong, magnetic plates
With ends that face away
And still draw each other near
"So if you seek a true path to change,
I think all that you must do is clear."
Or at least that is how it goes
For the beautiful and bold
Who believe with all their hearts
Down to the pits of golden souls
But for those of us like me
With dispositions often grim,
It's best to find something to hold your weight
In case you're like this ugly monster here,
Who never learned to swim.

Ramblings Of The Liar

"Ramblings Of The Liar"

There is something missing in all of us... isn't there? 
And since it's easier to live in a perpetual state of denial,
We don't acknowledge this truth.
We look for something to fill the void.
Whether it's the drink or the drugs, shopping or salvation,
We look for something external to fill a void internal.
But not me. You know what I did? I embraced the void. 
I let myself wade out into the darkness and see if I would drown.
And you know what happened? I survived.
But like a white cloth dropped into a vat of ink,
I do bear the proof of my journey. Forever stained.
For it has been said that if you stare long into the abyss,
The abyss also stares back into you.
And as it peered into my eyes, it revealed a truth.
And truth is that we are all liars.
Children wearing the mask of maturity.
Claiming we are happy, when we are anything but.
Most of us have our pasts holding us back like anchors.
But we put on the brave front, and pretend that we are hardened.
So that the future will pull us forward like magnets.
But we are stuck. In a never-ending state of want.
Both weighed and measured.
We want what we cannot have, and ignore the things we can.
I mean, come on,
Isn't it the struggle that makes the water slipping through your hands taste better,
Than the drops in that glass supposedly half-full?
Oh, well. What do I know?
I'm just a liar, after all...
Right?

Animals Walking Upright

"Animals Walking Upright"


Just because we know of the Plieades
And we believe in different deities
That that somehow separates us from the rest
Of the wild creatures crawling,
Sprawling, and swimming about
All while denying the urges of the creatures
Held tightly in the cage beneath our chests
That we tried and truly
Could never, ever live without
'Cause we're just animals walking upright.
Subject to our very whims
As each day fades into a night.
But in places we don't discuss at parties
We hide the darkest of our secrets
And do more than praying on our knees
While our vices outweigh regrets
And we hope that nobody ever sees.
But let's not forget the horrors
We've committed in our minds
Thoughts of murder, lust, and greed
Filled seconds of these complicated times
That we fight to keep living in
Hoping good deeds balance out our lies
And that our lovers never witness
The crazed and raging monsters,
Locked up tight behind our eyes.

All But Done

"All But Done"


I got some bitter news today
Read the words in black and white
And there's nothing left to say
That could make it seem alright
But how was I supposed to know
That you were gonna go
And do the kind of things
That would make them hate you so
Somebody stop the press
The world may need to know
That once you've made it to the top
There's only one place left to go
'Cause the first minute made you hot
But the second made you not
And as the doubt was creeping in
You gave it everything you got
But fast forward just a few
And you're getting off the ride
'Cause fifteen's all but done
And your request for more's denied
You got some bitter news today
Read the words in black and white
They saw you stumble out the club
And took your photograph at night
With the powder on your nose
And your favorite drink in hand
And your underwear exposed
Hugging somebody else's man
Now you're painted as the whore
That loves to party hard
And leaves with the rising sun
And has a blatant disregard
For anything, or anyone
Just as long as you make the news...

The Fastest Way

"The Fastest Way"


I have lived a lifetime in my days
And lived days within my dreams
I've spoken profoundly with my silence
And yet said nothing with my screams
I've known opulence at the cost of thoughts
And succumbed to the collected debt of sleep
I've grasped at memories like grains of sand
Hoping to prolong the time they keep
But all of these truths are pale
When compared to my dark desires
For I long to be inside of you
And provide your favorite of the pyres
But darling, the fastest way to nothing
Is to journey through my eyes
And disregard the bits of truth
Then dive headfirst in the lies
And as in you inhale the aroma
Of the greatest stories ever told
Know that fortune only favors
Those we've all considered bold
So what are you waiting for?

Scars Are Watermarks

"Scars Are Watermarks"


That pins and needles feeling
Has pierced my soul again
But it's nothing like the pain
That I've tried to hide within
For thirty years of loneliness
Have built a home inside my heart
And I'd hoped you were the righteous wind
Come to tear that home apart
Wished to watch as each bitter brick
Finally fell and kissed the ground
To prove that the notion of solitude
Would only help to amplify the sound
Like when that fabled tree in the forest fell
And had nobody there to catch
So there was to be no amazing grace
For me, this fallen sort of wretch
And that is how this life has gone
When the subject shifts to me
And how everyday reminds of you of
How painful precious gifts can be
'Cause I should have spoken up
Before you walked away
But once love has finally bloomed
It's never meant to stay
See, first the water comes rolling in
And helps to sweep you off your feet
But then it leaves and takes everything
Leaving you cold and naked underneath
That's why scars are our watermarks
There to show the world we once were filled
But some sort or form of happiness
Before misery came to see it killed
Loneliness can be described
As a wretched state of mind
But lately it's been a state of mine
And it's in this kind of darker time
That I'm inclined to find
The cold and unforgiving truth
That scars are watermarks
Proof the show the world
That love was drowned inside our hearts.

Tell Me Something

"Tell Me Something, Darling..."


Are you happy where you are?
Or just happy where you're not?
Does everything you have,
Outweigh everything you never got?
And if you're answer's no,
Then I want you to be sure
There's a part of you that knows,
You deserve everything and more
'Cause the light in your eyes is an ember
Dancing on a sweet candle stem
Doing its' best to just survive
Inside a brutal, unforgiving wind
While knowing most people go to church
Believing they have a need to pray
But the answer to all of mine
Is sadly lying down each day
Next to a childish, little boy
Living in the guise of a man
And she truly handles this
In the best fashion that she can
But friend, I don't believe
That we are meant to live
Chained to those who just refuse
To give all that they have to give
So what's wrong with searching
For all that you need
When there's a hole in your heart
That this person won't feed
So, tell me something, darling...
Are you happy where you are?
Or just happy where you're not?
Have all your dreams given way,
To just accepting what you've got?
And if you're answer's no,
Then I want you to be sure
There's a part of you that knows,
You deserve everything and more
And the lesson we have to learn,
Is that there's always truth inside of lies
But yet, the sky still begins to burn
When the sun decides to rise
Whether it wants to or not.

The Marksman?

"The Marksman?"


When you're a little left of center, the target's often missed.
Whether you've thrown darts, or arrows, or even witty lines.
You hit nothing. And so you get nothing.
Or so the story goes. For the sad, mistaken marksman.
The broad side of barns, shine untouched.
Like floating lunar lights.
Knowing that the fool within their range, will never pierce them right.
And now there is irony in the plight.
See? Every time the mark is missed, it stirs a gentle breeze.
Proving the only thing between us, dear, is truly air and opportunity.
But that's nothing new, really.
My quiver's running empty, though.
But I could say that for many things of mine.
Such as my heart. My faith. My patience.
Hell, even my sanity.
Because all I've done with these attempts at winning you,
Was incidentally hit the bullseye on your vanity.
Look!
A grown, inflated ego. Just begging to be burst.
But I have to grit my teeth and bear the weight,
For there's more than tension in my bow, that needs releasing first.

At The Point Of Convergence

"At The Point Of Convergence."


Words are often unspoken.
In light of pain, in light of loss.
In the shadow of desperation.
At the spot marking convergence, for the two roads that cross.
Right or left?
A myriad of possibilities.
When viewed through a quantum mechanical lens.
Things that will be done for eternity collide with things that have not yet begun.
Despite reaching this point in eternity.
And here i stand.
At this point of convergence.
One road leads to the great wide open.
I heard that in a pop song once.
The other?
I'm not exactly sure.
Besides the taunting sign that reads, "obstruction ahead,"
I see no indication of what I suspect to be perilous.
But what if that road leads to you?
If it did, it would be far worth the risk.
But this is life. There are no guarantees.
Hell, does it even matter anymore?
You see the world through rose-colored glasses, babe.
These gorgeous hues and enlightened point of views lay down for you like lovers.
But that tint distorts your view of me.
It's like I was never there at all.
What are the odds?

A Silence Considered Golden

"A Silence Considered Golden."


Silence is considered golden, by those considered poor.
For what was said and said again, should not be stated more.
But when a lack of sound is all you have, does this fact deliver bliss?
Or does it only amplify the painful truth, knowing there's a certain sound you miss?
Something like those three certain words, or the echoes of laughter when it's true.
Things ingrained into your memories, and have now become a part of you.
And yet I fear this state I'm in, is due to words of rage.
That would culminate and overflow, until they rhymed upon a page.
But my gift is just a blessed curse, that helps to drive a wedge between.
Myself and the golden one, who once danced inside my dreams.
Or if you're asking me at this present time, that is how it seems...

Three Cheers For The Masochists

"Three Cheers For The Masochists."


Each of us are masochists, we just have different ways.
Trying to find a little joy in the suffering, so we can make it through the days.
While we fight to ignore that tiny voice, ringing loudly in our brains.
Seeking to mask erosion through weathered storms, we started dancing in the rains.
Each lightning flash and thunder roar, mirrors these mistakes we've made.
While reminding us we're only comfortable, in the respective beds we've made.
But we can call a spade a spade, if you're wishing to be obtuse.
I fight my thoughts at tremendous cost, and nightly wonder what's the use?
Because my gift becomes a curse, when frustration starts to win.
Since i keep standing here to brave the pouring rain, while wishing she would let me in.
Or better yet, come out to join me in despair...

Inscription Addict

There is a burning in my veins
Like my blood is at a boil
Confused, distraught, forgotten.
Such is the state that I'm ins.
Knowing that if you had a name
I would curse it twenty times
While wishing my words were blades
That stabbed you to the rhythm of rhymes.
But that would be cruel.
As cruel as this circus we call a life
With ringleaders that boast of juggling
As if it were likely to impress
Why don't they trapeze without a net
And I'll applaud when they make a mess
Yes! You're a spot! A stain!
A pool of wasted red!
My, that was delightful darling,
It's about time you used your head.
A picture perfect landing,
After acting like a magician waving wands
But the sorry life you'd been leading
Is only worthy of the bronze.
But who am I kidding?
I wouldn't even have a place
At the podium with levels
I'm too busy feeding my demons
Until they grow into devils
So they can sit on my shoulders
Like the weight of the world
And they can point out the whores around me
Masquerading as girls
Who are begging for mates that share half their souls
Yet they still fall for the villains
And let them fill up their holes
But really, who gives a fuck?
I sure no longer do
Hell, now that i think about it
I would lie in the hopes of fucking them too
Make it hard, push it deep, and make sure it's brief
Then I'll just be on my way
Feign some sentiment romantic
To assuage their grief and keep the tears a bit
Since they get so emotional
Over the least little thing
But get excited like children
When it's chocolate you bring
But beneath that sweet exterior
Lies a hate that is sour
And it's becoming more potent
With each passing hour
But make no mistake,
I am not the broken man I was
I am the titan on the shore
Whose emotions churn like waves
And my pen is like the trident
That makes the tide become my slaves
And i used to want to drown you in them.
To suffocate you with a love
That would make it hard to breathe
Now the slightest glimpses of your faces
Have inspired me to seethe.
You're all fucking nothing.
Meaningless to most.
Once everything to me
How fucking pathetic
Could one shallow person be
Don't you dare to speak a word
Before i squeeze your throat to kill the sound
And laugh as you're clutching at your neck
While rolling back and forth, in pain on the ground.
Cause the deception of your perception
Cast a shadow on my point of view.
But I'd rather throw sharpened blades,
If I want to make my one point or two.
Hit or miss, little priss.
Better cover up your parts.
Cause spades can pierce the diamonds,
In possession of weaker hearts.
But my regards to your cards,
It seems you went and played them well.
But I'm laughing while I'm whispering,
"Fuck you," is the only tale I wanna tell.
It sucks to be you. And sucks to be me.
If we find another imbecile,
I'll carve a line through all three.
"Tic, tac, and toe,
tried their best but had go."
Is what the tombstone will read,
After the supposed pastor,
Does his dog and pony show.
But i would rather be the ash, you placed inside a jar.
So if you'd need a line, you wouldn't have to reach as far.
As you did when I lived,
And pretended you cared.
So I wrote this kamikaze style,
Just so I could go out with some flair.
Cause to me this life is pointless, yet people tell me to pray.
But I'd rather piss in the wind, when it was blowing my way.
Cause i don't believe in god, to me it's nothing more than myth
That poor, simple people keep treating like a form of gift
And I don't want their advice, so I spit on well wishes.
I'm just hollow and alone, with a disposition that's vicious.
So this goes out to the addicts, that hang on my words.
This is the inscription, each one of you deserves.
You're such worthless junkies, I know that each of you binge.
So it's time i gave in, and helped you feed your syringe.
And the fire in my eyes, will help to heat the spoon.
Until the words turn to liquid, don't you move it too soon.
Then we can tie your arm, until it points out a vein.
Then once I'm inside you, you better not complain.
Cause you felt the love of a titan, mixed with old testament hate.
So enjoy every fucking thing, that I've placed on your plate.
Since you never would love me, and only would curse me.
It's time you got on your knees, and did more than beg for my mercy.
Use those pretty lips that pray, to take more than pain away.
And maybe I'll write you an ark, to survive this flood here today.
Otherwise you'll drown, and dip below the once-referenced waves
That are filling up your world, like the six feet in graves...