Monday, January 13, 2014

The Pyre's Light



"The Pyre's Light"
2014

Seething still, with blissful rage. 
Dying to unleash upon the world,
a beast, from its' most impressive cage.
Like Tartarus, or Pandora's Box of lore. 
Something that has held the worst at bay,
for what seems like forevermore.
It is, within.
Swirling like a tornado upon the greenest plain.
Or a tsunami crashing down upon a beach,
that we shall never see again.
To hold this all inside,
must to some, be labeled as a win.
But not to me.
Not to the one whose eyes are filled with a color not often seen.
While suffocating tears,
as if they were the remnants of some little childish dream.
The sign of innocence dying.
In a world it wasn't bred to survive.
But allow this shattered visage,
to combine with the ashes of a facade.
Mold them both into a pillar.
So that i may stand on it,
as you worship what has now become more than what was.
It is, what is.
And what it shall be, is everlasting.
For you see, for years i was made to wait.
To embrace a not so gentle fasting.
A victim of a foolish belief, and nature's bitter casting.
But now, you ALL, must embrace he, who you have helped to make.
And shudder at the thought,
that what you've held dear, is now his to take.
Virgins and whores.
Sinners and saints alike.
You have made the fire burn.
So now you must shine in the pyre's light.

Wishing Well



"Wishing Well"
2013-2014

Within a distance ever-growing
There lies a great divide
Such a precipice between us
That only the blind have still denied
But my eyes have slowly opened
Felt the weight of both the lids
Tried to continue with the hoping
But forgot who I had tried to kid
And now I'd be lying if I said
The walls aren't growing closer by the day
Because they still display the mark
Of where your framed picture used to lay
But now, I'm alone and singing,
"Has the water turned to wine
Since we finally gave it time
I guess the vein you cut was mine
Left this rose severed at the vine
But there's one story left to tell
Of how I want to wish you well
But it seems I keep forgetting
That my heart's not letting..."
So now I'll take my pretty penny
And throw it gently down the hole
Watch it shimmer in the darkness
Like you did inside my soul
But the well is lacking water
It's only filling with cliches
And to ignore them is getting harder
Since nights have drowned the days
And now, I'd be lying if I said
That I don't miss the smell of your perfume
'Cause if I was led here by the scent
I would find your grace in every room
But now, I'm alone and singing,
"Has the water turned to wine
Since we finally gave it time
I guess the vein you cut was mine
Left this rose severed at the vine
But there's one story left to tell
Of how I want to wish you well
But it seems I keep forgetting
That my heart's not letting..."
So my displays of loving this
Have been replaced by loneliness
And my thoughts of waking bliss
Have been put to sleep by bitterness
And the smile that's on your face
As you find another in the breeze
Makes me hate the very wind
That's sure to penetrate the trees
On this lovely autumn day
That feels of winter's touch
As I watch you use your faith
As each arm's respective crutch
'Cause you've been leaning on things
You've believed for very long
As proof there's a love beyond the clouds
That has helped to make you strong
But dear, whatever floats your boat
And helps you sleep at night
May never be described as wrong
But it surely doesn't make it right
So go rushing to your altar
And be sure to spew recycled vows
As those of us you left
Laugh through the raising of our brows
As we witness this charade
That you have called a love
Get displayed to the public
Because "it fits you like a glove"
And yet the fact that he fits
Doesn't mean it should proudly be worn
Given that some were already men
By the time that you were born...

The Power You Possess




"The Power You Possess"
2014

Do you know the power, the power you possess?
How you can you be so far away, and bring me so much stress?
I find the very thought of touching you, so soothing to the mind.
But i when i think of loving you, in truth, terror's what i find.
For those three words, they often bare, a blatant consequence.
And it's when they're often said, and laced with false pretense.
But those sacred words can cause a spark, from which a fuse is lit.
And it shall slither down the blackened string, until given cause to quit.
But if there's no reason good enough, there's a chosen path to tread.
But since i have never found my way to another's heart, this uncertainty's breeding dread.
So tell me if i am wrong to doubt, or even question if you're true?
Or should i focus on the laundry list of things, that i wish you'd let me do?
To you...

Saturday, January 11, 2014

A Sum Of Everything



"A Sum Of Everything"
2014

Take every year of my life
And saw them into halves
One for the good, one for the bad
One for the tears, one for the laughs
But from the time I left the temple
Until the time I denounced the gods
I found life to be very simple
And yet parts of me have always been at odds
But looking back from present day
I have a bit of clarity in my lens
There have been some that have never left my side
So I'm still counting them as friends
And there have been some who had to die
From disease or circumstance
And at times left me without a partner here
In this grand, self-deprecating dance
And yet survivor's guilt has been a bitch
That has made love to me for years
All while suffocating confidence
With a pillow it slipped inside my fears
And with this streaming flow of consciousness
I feel that I don't really have a point
I'm just thinking of the many days and many ways
I've become accustomed to the grays
And yes, those grays have many shades
Maybe thirteen if you count
But up until this point in time
I really never thought that I would amount
To anything worth anything
Wait, maybe I should change that word
So I won't be so repetitive
As I was during every sob story that you heard
That seemed to leave my ugly lips
Over the face of this last decade
But see, my lonely little fingertips
Almost only felt this bed of nails that I had made
But there I go again with the gloom-and-doom
And some woe-is-me to boot
You'll have to please excuse me that part of me
For it's just a reflex from my youth
It was the way that I had dealt with things
That I didn't care to understand
I would just blame it on my weight and ugly face
Then stick my head back under the sand
But looking back with that clarity
That I once told you that I had
Yes, I've always been a heavy kid
But, honest, I'm really not that bad
Though I will admit to loneliness
From back then up to even now
For I have spent so many nights with a hand
That it wouldn't take long to show you how
Quickly it could be over with
Unless I chose to make last
But that's only when I had some privacy
And didn't have to get there fast
But onto subjects better yet
Let's not linger long on those
'Cause I keep finding ways to rhyme
Though my first intention was for prose
But I guess my gift has become a curse
That makes this sound better when it's read
After all the chaos bleeding symphonies
Making overtures in my head
I'm not really sure what that means
If I must be honest when you ask
'Cause I just felt like writing this
And so I'm seeing out my task
But now I feel that sleep is closing in
It's coming on me like a chill
But it's not that cold inside this room
Yet, you'll get the point I'm making still
But the Clyde you knew as a broken man
Who hated everyone and everything
Knows that when all is said and done and spoken, man
Inside he has a better song to sing
So now he's going to take all the pieces of his life
Every little colored shard
And with this, there's a mosaic he will make
And he'll display it with blatant disregard
Because he's becoming a little prouder
Of the man he's come to be
Since he is a living sum of everything
That he was fortunate to see
So now the ink is drying up
Or maybe I'm falling down beneath the weight
Of eyelids that must weigh a ton
And yet,
Despite being broke, alone, and unemployed.
Despite still being overweight, and largely undesired.
Despite being sleep-deprived and slightly sexually frustrated.
He is still thinking out loud that,
"Man, life is still pretty great.
If that makes any sense at all..."

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Dependent On Transcendence

Hello everyone! It's that time again. (Finally, lol.) I hope this new year is treating you all extremely well. May you all be in great health and even better spirits. 2014, has been a slow burn for me so far, creatively. But, I have finally finished my first new poem. This one took a few sittings to really get where I wanted it to be. I'm still unsure if I'm happy with it. But I feel like making any more changes to it, would be doing the piece a disservice. So, I figured I should share it with all of you, and get some feedback on it. I dug down kinda deep for this one. It has some of my real feelings in it. But it also is greatly exaggerated to make for a better poem. This piece is called, "Dependent On Transcendence." And it came about in a weird way. The inspiration first hit me while I was listening to this slightly older song called, "I Am One" by The Smashing Pumpkins. So immediately started typing and let the words take me where they me wanted to go. Then when I hit the wall a bit, I stopped. Then I realized where I had been going subconsciously with the piece and decided to come back to it later. So a few days ago, is when it really took shape. I had been listening to two songs on a loop, almost. The songs were "Alchemy" and "Sun & Moon" by Above & Beyond. Those songs put me in the mind-space I needed to be in. So I wrote and wrote, and what you will read is the result. This poem is a piece about the thin line between infatuation and obsession. And it's written is if the narrator is telling someone else's story, but in reality, he is in denial and speaking of his own predicament. And the background of the piece is based on the old idea of the hieros gamos ritual. This man believes that the woman who is the focal point of his desire/obsession is the person who can save him from a life of pain and emptiness and anger. And in his mind, she has been built up to the level of a goddess. So he is tormented by the fact that she is with someone else, and he cannot have her. But that only strengthens his resolve to win her over. And there are times throughout the piece where reality bleeds in, and he realizes his quest is futile. But it's almost as if the thought of being with her physically has become a drug for him. One that he can't stop taking. And one that he doesn't want to stop taking. But I'm gonna stop talking about the piece now, and let you read it, lol. I hope you all like it. And as always, thank you so very much for reading all of this. It means more than you will ever know.





"Dependent On Transcendence"
2014

He had lived a life eternally
But only here inside his head
And the man he learned to be
Would not've left that statement said
For he was much too concerned
With tearing down this world
And yet it never lost its' turn
So all he did was seethe and yearn
For better days to come along
And prove that his outlook was wrong
But when a man begins to covet
All of which he sees
Tell me, what's he supposed to do?
When his true desire flees?
Is he supposed to turn and run?
And call this day a loss?
Or should he crawl on broken glass?
As penance paid for joyous cost?
And see, that was how he thought
For in a rut the boy was caught
But then along there came the one
Who would prove life is far from done
And now I'll recall what did occur
Oh, friend, this is what he said to her...
"The bitterness I once displayed
Has left my pages torn and frayed
It seems so long that I had prayed
For perspective in this bed I made
But look at you so lovely and
Floating here above the land
But here and now inside my hand
Is the proof that I am more than man
And with beliefs few and far between
Tell me, why do I feel serene?
Am I running out of time?
Or can you truly be divine?
Come down, won't you angel?
And let me touch your wings
Bathe me in your guiding light
And purge me until it stings
Come down won't you angel?
Show me all your love and grace
Then open up your pearly gates
And grant this sinner just a taste
Oh, here I am your humble servant
Broken once and then rebuilt
And though I don't deserve it
I'm begging you to come and kill my guilt
I've carried it so many years
Like Atlas in the tragic lore
And though I shed so many tears
I'll give you my everything and more
But with beliefs few and far between
Tell me, why do I feel serene?
Am I running out of time?
Or can you truly be divine?
Come down, won't you angel?
And let me touch your wings
Let me feel your guiding light
Purging me until it stings
Come down won't you angel?
Show me all your love and grace
Then open up your pearly gates
And grant this sinner just a taste
Girl, free me from this mortal shell
With that thing you do so well
That's taking me to blinding heights
In my dreams on lonely nights
So please free me from this shell
For my mind has become the hell
That's burned and left me black
As proof of confidence I lacked
But here inside the walls erect
My old defense is surely raised
I feel the doubt is gnawing still
Though it's you I choose to praise
But what's the use of wanting you?
When I never get to have?
I have seen you smile so many times
That it has begun to drive me mad
For the source of your sweet delight
Is not the lonely one you hear
No, it's some other soul come to roost
And to tightly hold you, dear.
So with beliefs few and far between
Tell me, why should I feel serene?
When I'm running out of happiness
And beneath an avalanche of stress
But still I'm saying,
Come down, won't you angel?
And let me touch your wings
Bathe me in your guiding light
Purge me 'til it stings
Come down won't you angel?
Show me all your love and grace
Then open up your pearly gates
And grant this sinner just a taste
Girl, do you know how long it's been?
Since I have said with pride?
That there is someone in this world
That I need to be inside
But now, I'm afraid those thoughts
Are wishes wished in vain
And yet this rush I get from you
Feels like something in my vein
And it pains my soul to know
The one that makes you feel this way
Isn't reflected in the glass
I stare into everyday
And we know I'll never talk of love
'Cause that just isn't me
I'm just a junkie for the dreams
In which you visit me
But now I'm begging you
To make these dreams come true
And stop playing with my mind
By flashing certain parts of you
Won't you let me see them bare
Unleash your glory on this wretch
'Cause I have heard your voice
Carried on every breeze I catch
And I've imagined your perfume
Filling up this lonely room
And it's sweeter than anything
The season spring could bloom
And I've imagined that your skin
Is as smooth as porcelain
But you're not fragile to the touch
Yet I still want to break you in
Darling, do this thing for me
Let me show you what we could be
When you put my love against your lips
And you're looking up at me
Would I look like a god?
Or something you're proud to own?
Would you answer all my prayers?
Please, don't leave me here alone
'Cause with beliefs few and far between
I still want to feel serene
Am I running out of time?
Or can you truly be divine?
Come down, won't you angel?
And let me touch your wings
Let me feel your guiding light
Purging me until it stings
Come down won't you angel?
Show me all your love and grace
Then open up your pearly gates
And grant this sinner just a taste
Girl, free me from this mortal shell
I'm dying, can't you tell?
By falling from these blinding heights
For you, in my dreams on lonely nights..."

Thursday, January 2, 2014

A Long Thought For The New Year

We have all done this for far too long.


Dear friends, allow me to wax philosophical for a moment, please. I once heard in a movie that "he who burns twice as bright, only burns for half as long." And is that not the way of the world? Those who make the biggest impacts on the world, whether positive or negative, always seem to leave before they are done. On some occasions we are sad. Like when those who preached for peace often meet violent, undeserved deaths. And sometimes, under our breaths or maybe even publicly, we cheer as those who call for violence often, eventually have their calls answered. But what seems to happen is that the universe tries to balance itself. It tries to right some of the wrong. Eventually, he who reigns at La CabaƱa eventually finds himself at La Higuera. But there are too many things that are tipping the scales in the wrong direction. Africa, sweet Africa is being eaten alive from the inside out by corruption. The world's "superpowers" continue to rape the Motherland of her minerals and resources to feed their greedy, overpopulated homelands (including ours). And certain government agencies continue to, in the name of "national interests," clandestinely appoint warlords to perpetuate war and domestic terrorism. In South Africa, a country with strong conservative beliefs, there has been a growing form of crime known as "corrective rape." It is a personal and horrifying attack where lesbian women are attacked by men in their towns/villages and they are forcibly raped in an attempt to "correct" them and make them straight. And in many other places like Burma, Sri Lanka, North Korea, etc., things like genocide, dictatorships, cults of personality, and suppression of information are conducted like business as usual. While we, (yes I said we, meaning including me) here in America, complain and bicker about the most insignificant of things: we cry about bullshit in our news feeds. Our supposed scores of "haters" kicking up drama in our lives. Having to update our smartphones. Or having to stand in line at the corporate giant known as Wal-Mart to get our overpriced items. And the list goes on and on. And basically my point in all of this, is that our country is spoiled and in return we spend our days acting like petulant children. In the media we bitch about healthcare. In everyday life we, (along with the Occupy Wall Street folks) bitch (sometimes rightly so) about the 1%, but as Penn Jillette so beautifully put it in an interview: "...300 million people in the United States is a very small number, when you're talking about knocking on 7 billion worldwide. Those people are all, every single one of them, are in the 1%. And every single one of them pays a cell phone bill, every month, that is the yearly income for a family in much of the rest of the world." So while things don't always go as well as we'd like them to go, we still have far too much to be thankful for as a country. While people get on their online soapboxes to decry Obama and his turning our country communist, unless your family came from Cuba, escaped Nazi Germany, or lived in one of the countries I spoke about above, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT OPPRESSION IS! Unless you've had your neighbors spying on you and then had officials kicking down your door, you have not known true fear. Okay? Getting suspended from Duck Dynasty or having people question your precious Christian faith doesn't count. That's not tyranny. And while we're at it, yes, the IRS has too much power. Yes, the government has been spying on us. But do you think that this is a recent phenomenon? No. It's not. Don't be naive, friend. But we should use all of the freedoms we have to watch and be vigilant and make sure our rights aren't being taken away. And we should stop being hypocritical. We claim we want transparency from the government, then turn around and label people like Julian Assange and Edward Snowden traitors and/or snitches. But we are unaware of the terms we use. Whistleblowers risk everything to expose corruption. Snitches are people who committed a crime then give up their co-conspirators to get a reduced sentence. They wanted to do the crime, but now they don't want to do the time. People in the "hood" decry snitching and then when, goodness forbid, something happens to somebody they know and love, they want people to speak up and say something. Or they run around with shirts saying  "Free Lil Pookie" when they know full well Lil' Pookie has committed serious crimes and is not someone who should be walking around the streets. But again, my point in all of this is something my brother from another, Michael B. says: we should be great and be grateful. We must be aware of things that are going on at all time, but we should also enjoy the freedom we have to live and pursue happiness. Use our anger as fuel to do good things and hopefully accomplish great things. Because as one of my heroes Zack De La Rocha once said: "Your anger is a gift." So use your gift wisely. And I'm going to do my best to do the same.