Kill The Son

"Kill The Son"
2014

I need to kill the son my mother raised
if I am looking to survive
'Cause you can't be as nice as I'm known to be
And still hope to stay alive
For kindness morphs into a weaker trait
If you're quick to up the dose
And the knives are quick to penetrate your heart
If you allow the wielders close
For most people are liars.
Selfish, ungrateful liars.
Who pick their spots and feign concern
In the hopes of lowered guards
But that's when they stick it in and break it off
To leave you bleeding, picking shards.
And as the fragments pierce your better parts
You've been fucked and left confused
And discarded like some disgusting thing
From which the owner's not amused
But who cares, right?
Everyone is the martyr in their own stories.
A victim of an injustice so grand,
That the gods should take notice
And pull us down off our chosen cross
and heal the stigmata wounds we wear
Like proud tattoos, or hearts we've sown on sleeves
To prove to everyone that we care.
Yet people say that we shouldn't change
And just stay true to who we are
But friend, my blood trail can be followed
To here from anywhere afar
Because the blades protruding from my hopes and dreams
Are getting harder to conceal
And I feel the stabs so deep inside
I'm starting to wonder if they're real
For how can I feel alive and well
If my heart's begun to die
And there's no one here to claim the corpse
Or even give a reason why
So forgive me if my anger's justified
And bubbling up to scorch the surface
Because I suffered this for years
And never questioned if it was worth it
But now I know the answer's no
So I'll say fuck you to those who disagree
And think I'm throwing blankets on the crowd
Just to hide the flaws in me
While they ignore the painful facts
That I have known so well
That I could regurgitate them all
And point out each syllable that fell
But friend, my point in all of this is simple.
Despite the situation being complex.
See, I've grown tired of being righteous
I think in truth, I must stop overlooking sin
So shut your mouth, and clear a path
Give me a little room,
To let this overdue self-destruction,
Finally begin.
Start the countdown, if you please...

The Game We Call A Race

"The Game We Call A Race"
2014

They say the results are in.
And now, there is a different face in place.
Enough votes have signified a win
For the precious victor in the game
They even have the nerve to call a race.
Nothing will change.
A different name on the desk
But the same lack of action in the streets
Thankfully, it will mean an end to the commercials
That follow the same old tired beats
Politician A voted wrongly, every single time.
Politician B is about as crooked as a written dollar sign.
Politician A helps their friends,
Politician B will only do what they can, to provide you with bliss.
Then they show you an image with them and their families.
Standing and smiling in a park,
Maybe underneath some trees
To show you all, they are just like you.
So you will foolishly believe, that when the race is through
They will provide you the quality of life
You're supposed to get after death
But only, now you'll be alive
And won't have to stop your breath.
The promises are grand, when told with tongues of gold.
But campaign accounts were stuffed,
With the kind of riches that you fold.
With no requirement for disclosure,
The ones behind the curtain will never be revealed
Unless there's a case inside the court
That requires the records be unsealed.
But oh well, it doesn't matter.
I have some new device to buy.
And an article to read,
About this celeb who's found another guy.
Or maybe a show that shows realities
That are secretly contrived
Or some kind of public competition show
Where we can vote on who survived
It's all meaningless to me
And in the longest run there'll be
But what on Earth will I ever know?
I only believe what's on TV
So I never notice that in this game we call a race
Both contestants break the rules
They call each other out for sports
As the audience plays the fools
And while they're bearing down the track
We're often too blind to observe
That because of our lack of information, we
Get the officials we deserve
And they will smile and take us to a place
Where grass is a brighter shade of green
But then we'll wake up one day and think aloud,
"This is the same yard I've always seen."
And would you like to know why?
That's because it is.

Needle In The Red

"Needle In The Red"
2014

Acknowledged differences.
Collected and suppressed until they begin to distort.
They become fuel for the emotions.
Moving the needle toward the wrong kind of darkness.
With potent fumes that alter perception for the duration of exposure.
Mouths like motors running.
So busy revving and roaring they don't take time to breathe.
Navigation showing the same old path, with signs, they don't take time to heed.
Carefully selected turns, show others where they should never steer.
Strapped in tightly to their positions,
Adjusting their mirrors to better see their fears.
Reflected.
My, what fools we are.
A few hundred years of tunnel vision, have left the cyclops behind the wheel.
Seeing things in only black or white, while knowing shades of gray are real.
While letting road rage take control, we scream things better left unsaid.
Is there surprise that blood is spilled, when the needle's in the red?
Years from now, our children will wonder who, was really in control of us?
And why people still feel the need to tell a soul, where to sit upon the bus?
Don't they see the demons roaring round the bend,
Or will we be driven off the track?
I guess love and understanding are on the set of keys we lost.
So we just can't unlock the things, we are never getting back.
Sleep well, Eric Garner.
Though the world has failed you twice.
Now we truly know the cost of things,
For which you have paid the dearest price.

Chair For One

"Chair For One"
2014

There were so many things
That I should feel ashamed to tell
She used to think I was a fit for heaven
Now she knows that I'm tailor made for hell
So she can save her crying
When all is said and done
Then we will sit her party down
As the maître d' calls out, "Pity, Chair For One."
'Cause she used to want me badly
Or so she used to say
But when I let her peek behind the glass
She turned to run away
So now I hope she suffers
As each word becomes a blade
That I bury deep in her emotions pure
As you hail the best mistake she's ever made
And I wish I could stab a pretty sunset
Until it bleeds on an ocean's face
So as that tide came rolling in
It'd bear proof she's been replaced
But excuse my sense of humor
She's a pathetic little tart
That should be feeling foolish now
Knowing she'll never reside with my heart
But if I could hear her now
Backed by some noisy violin
I bet she'd pantomime the martyr
Until her Pilate returned again
So she can dance and spin her tales
As I sharpen up my nails
Then I'll put her up for all the world to see
So they can take her picture with their phones
To prove she was crucified,
And driven in to my last faded memory.
As I smile and whisper,
"Good riddance."

The Monster Treading Water

"The Monster Treading Water"
2014

If I were to cross this ocean full of thoughts
Would I find you on the shore
Watching as the waves slowly rose to crash
With their machinations pure
'Cause as I float here hopelessly
I try to think my pleasant thoughts
For the abyss I coast upon
Is the proof of all that negativity has wrought
That is why the tides are black
And thick as petroleum
Knowing that horrors I've hid beneath
Were capped with doubts of holy ones
But I'm nothing without my thoughts
So why do I feel such shame
Since I know I made each conscious choice
To shape the monster I became
With written, long-winded dreams
Claiming I rang the bell inside the towers
Like that misshapen beast of classic lore
Who was left without an ounce of power
Thinking there was one who'd hear the call
And come rushing in to aid
But if they say that love is just a game
Will there ever be a prize for getting played?
But friend, I'm fearing not
Since there is a law that states
That we only get what we attract
Like some form of strong, magnetic plates
With ends that face away
And still draw each other near
"So if you seek a true path to change,
I think all that you must do is clear."
Or at least that is how it goes
For the beautiful and bold
Who believe with all their hearts
Down to the pits of golden souls
But for those of us like me
With dispositions often grim,
It's best to find something to hold your weight
In case you're like this ugly monster here,
Who never learned to swim.

Ramblings Of The Liar

"Ramblings Of The Liar"

There is something missing in all of us... isn't there? 
And since it's easier to live in a perpetual state of denial,
We don't acknowledge this truth.
We look for something to fill the void.
Whether it's the drink or the drugs, shopping or salvation,
We look for something external to fill a void internal.
But not me. You know what I did? I embraced the void. 
I let myself wade out into the darkness and see if I would drown.
And you know what happened? I survived.
But like a white cloth dropped into a vat of ink,
I do bear the proof of my journey. Forever stained.
For it has been said that if you stare long into the abyss,
The abyss also stares back into you.
And as it peered into my eyes, it revealed a truth.
And truth is that we are all liars.
Children wearing the mask of maturity.
Claiming we are happy, when we are anything but.
Most of us have our pasts holding us back like anchors.
But we put on the brave front, and pretend that we are hardened.
So that the future will pull us forward like magnets.
But we are stuck. In a never-ending state of want.
Both weighed and measured.
We want what we cannot have, and ignore the things we can.
I mean, come on,
Isn't it the struggle that makes the water slipping through your hands taste better,
Than the drops in that glass supposedly half-full?
Oh, well. What do I know?
I'm just a liar, after all...
Right?

Animals Walking Upright

"Animals Walking Upright"


Just because we know of the Plieades
And we believe in different deities
That that somehow separates us from the rest
Of the wild creatures crawling,
Sprawling, and swimming about
All while denying the urges of the creatures
Held tightly in the cage beneath our chests
That we tried and truly
Could never, ever live without
'Cause we're just animals walking upright.
Subject to our very whims
As each day fades into a night.
But in places we don't discuss at parties
We hide the darkest of our secrets
And do more than praying on our knees
While our vices outweigh regrets
And we hope that nobody ever sees.
But let's not forget the horrors
We've committed in our minds
Thoughts of murder, lust, and greed
Filled seconds of these complicated times
That we fight to keep living in
Hoping good deeds balance out our lies
And that our lovers never witness
The crazed and raging monsters,
Locked up tight behind our eyes.

All But Done

"All But Done"


I got some bitter news today
Read the words in black and white
And there's nothing left to say
That could make it seem alright
But how was I supposed to know
That you were gonna go
And do the kind of things
That would make them hate you so
Somebody stop the press
The world may need to know
That once you've made it to the top
There's only one place left to go
'Cause the first minute made you hot
But the second made you not
And as the doubt was creeping in
You gave it everything you got
But fast forward just a few
And you're getting off the ride
'Cause fifteen's all but done
And your request for more's denied
You got some bitter news today
Read the words in black and white
They saw you stumble out the club
And took your photograph at night
With the powder on your nose
And your favorite drink in hand
And your underwear exposed
Hugging somebody else's man
Now you're painted as the whore
That loves to party hard
And leaves with the rising sun
And has a blatant disregard
For anything, or anyone
Just as long as you make the news...

The Fastest Way

"The Fastest Way"


I have lived a lifetime in my days
And lived days within my dreams
I've spoken profoundly with my silence
And yet said nothing with my screams
I've known opulence at the cost of thoughts
And succumbed to the collected debt of sleep
I've grasped at memories like grains of sand
Hoping to prolong the time they keep
But all of these truths are pale
When compared to my dark desires
For I long to be inside of you
And provide your favorite of the pyres
But darling, the fastest way to nothing
Is to journey through my eyes
And disregard the bits of truth
Then dive headfirst in the lies
And as in you inhale the aroma
Of the greatest stories ever told
Know that fortune only favors
Those we've all considered bold
So what are you waiting for?

Scars Are Watermarks

"Scars Are Watermarks"


That pins and needles feeling
Has pierced my soul again
But it's nothing like the pain
That I've tried to hide within
For thirty years of loneliness
Have built a home inside my heart
And I'd hoped you were the righteous wind
Come to tear that home apart
Wished to watch as each bitter brick
Finally fell and kissed the ground
To prove that the notion of solitude
Would only help to amplify the sound
Like when that fabled tree in the forest fell
And had nobody there to catch
So there was to be no amazing grace
For me, this fallen sort of wretch
And that is how this life has gone
When the subject shifts to me
And how everyday reminds of you of
How painful precious gifts can be
'Cause I should have spoken up
Before you walked away
But once love has finally bloomed
It's never meant to stay
See, first the water comes rolling in
And helps to sweep you off your feet
But then it leaves and takes everything
Leaving you cold and naked underneath
That's why scars are our watermarks
There to show the world we once were filled
But some sort or form of happiness
Before misery came to see it killed
Loneliness can be described
As a wretched state of mind
But lately it's been a state of mine
And it's in this kind of darker time
That I'm inclined to find
The cold and unforgiving truth
That scars are watermarks
Proof the show the world
That love was drowned inside our hearts.

Tell Me Something

"Tell Me Something, Darling..."


Are you happy where you are?
Or just happy where you're not?
Does everything you have,
Outweigh everything you never got?
And if you're answer's no,
Then I want you to be sure
There's a part of you that knows,
You deserve everything and more
'Cause the light in your eyes is an ember
Dancing on a sweet candle stem
Doing its' best to just survive
Inside a brutal, unforgiving wind
While knowing most people go to church
Believing they have a need to pray
But the answer to all of mine
Is sadly lying down each day
Next to a childish, little boy
Living in the guise of a man
And she truly handles this
In the best fashion that she can
But friend, I don't believe
That we are meant to live
Chained to those who just refuse
To give all that they have to give
So what's wrong with searching
For all that you need
When there's a hole in your heart
That this person won't feed
So, tell me something, darling...
Are you happy where you are?
Or just happy where you're not?
Have all your dreams given way,
To just accepting what you've got?
And if you're answer's no,
Then I want you to be sure
There's a part of you that knows,
You deserve everything and more
And the lesson we have to learn,
Is that there's always truth inside of lies
But yet, the sky still begins to burn
When the sun decides to rise
Whether it wants to or not.

The Marksman?

"The Marksman?"


When you're a little left of center, the target's often missed.
Whether you've thrown darts, or arrows, or even witty lines.
You hit nothing. And so you get nothing.
Or so the story goes. For the sad, mistaken marksman.
The broad side of barns, shine untouched.
Like floating lunar lights.
Knowing that the fool within their range, will never pierce them right.
And now there is irony in the plight.
See? Every time the mark is missed, it stirs a gentle breeze.
Proving the only thing between us, dear, is truly air and opportunity.
But that's nothing new, really.
My quiver's running empty, though.
But I could say that for many things of mine.
Such as my heart. My faith. My patience.
Hell, even my sanity.
Because all I've done with these attempts at winning you,
Was incidentally hit the bullseye on your vanity.
Look!
A grown, inflated ego. Just begging to be burst.
But I have to grit my teeth and bear the weight,
For there's more than tension in my bow, that needs releasing first.

At The Point Of Convergence

"At The Point Of Convergence."


Words are often unspoken.
In light of pain, in light of loss.
In the shadow of desperation.
At the spot marking convergence, for the two roads that cross.
Right or left?
A myriad of possibilities.
When viewed through a quantum mechanical lens.
Things that will be done for eternity collide with things that have not yet begun.
Despite reaching this point in eternity.
And here i stand.
At this point of convergence.
One road leads to the great wide open.
I heard that in a pop song once.
The other?
I'm not exactly sure.
Besides the taunting sign that reads, "obstruction ahead,"
I see no indication of what I suspect to be perilous.
But what if that road leads to you?
If it did, it would be far worth the risk.
But this is life. There are no guarantees.
Hell, does it even matter anymore?
You see the world through rose-colored glasses, babe.
These gorgeous hues and enlightened point of views lay down for you like lovers.
But that tint distorts your view of me.
It's like I was never there at all.
What are the odds?

A Silence Considered Golden

"A Silence Considered Golden."


Silence is considered golden, by those considered poor.
For what was said and said again, should not be stated more.
But when a lack of sound is all you have, does this fact deliver bliss?
Or does it only amplify the painful truth, knowing there's a certain sound you miss?
Something like those three certain words, or the echoes of laughter when it's true.
Things ingrained into your memories, and have now become a part of you.
And yet I fear this state I'm in, is due to words of rage.
That would culminate and overflow, until they rhymed upon a page.
But my gift is just a blessed curse, that helps to drive a wedge between.
Myself and the golden one, who once danced inside my dreams.
Or if you're asking me at this present time, that is how it seems...

Three Cheers For The Masochists

"Three Cheers For The Masochists."


Each of us are masochists, we just have different ways.
Trying to find a little joy in the suffering, so we can make it through the days.
While we fight to ignore that tiny voice, ringing loudly in our brains.
Seeking to mask erosion through weathered storms, we started dancing in the rains.
Each lightning flash and thunder roar, mirrors these mistakes we've made.
While reminding us we're only comfortable, in the respective beds we've made.
But we can call a spade a spade, if you're wishing to be obtuse.
I fight my thoughts at tremendous cost, and nightly wonder what's the use?
Because my gift becomes a curse, when frustration starts to win.
Since i keep standing here to brave the pouring rain, while wishing she would let me in.
Or better yet, come out to join me in despair...

Inscription Addict

There is a burning in my veins
Like my blood is at a boil
Confused, distraught, forgotten.
Such is the state that I'm ins.
Knowing that if you had a name
I would curse it twenty times
While wishing my words were blades
That stabbed you to the rhythm of rhymes.
But that would be cruel.
As cruel as this circus we call a life
With ringleaders that boast of juggling
As if it were likely to impress
Why don't they trapeze without a net
And I'll applaud when they make a mess
Yes! You're a spot! A stain!
A pool of wasted red!
My, that was delightful darling,
It's about time you used your head.
A picture perfect landing,
After acting like a magician waving wands
But the sorry life you'd been leading
Is only worthy of the bronze.
But who am I kidding?
I wouldn't even have a place
At the podium with levels
I'm too busy feeding my demons
Until they grow into devils
So they can sit on my shoulders
Like the weight of the world
And they can point out the whores around me
Masquerading as girls
Who are begging for mates that share half their souls
Yet they still fall for the villains
And let them fill up their holes
But really, who gives a fuck?
I sure no longer do
Hell, now that i think about it
I would lie in the hopes of fucking them too
Make it hard, push it deep, and make sure it's brief
Then I'll just be on my way
Feign some sentiment romantic
To assuage their grief and keep the tears a bit
Since they get so emotional
Over the least little thing
But get excited like children
When it's chocolate you bring
But beneath that sweet exterior
Lies a hate that is sour
And it's becoming more potent
With each passing hour
But make no mistake,
I am not the broken man I was
I am the titan on the shore
Whose emotions churn like waves
And my pen is like the trident
That makes the tide become my slaves
And i used to want to drown you in them.
To suffocate you with a love
That would make it hard to breathe
Now the slightest glimpses of your faces
Have inspired me to seethe.
You're all fucking nothing.
Meaningless to most.
Once everything to me
How fucking pathetic
Could one shallow person be
Don't you dare to speak a word
Before i squeeze your throat to kill the sound
And laugh as you're clutching at your neck
While rolling back and forth, in pain on the ground.
Cause the deception of your perception
Cast a shadow on my point of view.
But I'd rather throw sharpened blades,
If I want to make my one point or two.
Hit or miss, little priss.
Better cover up your parts.
Cause spades can pierce the diamonds,
In possession of weaker hearts.
But my regards to your cards,
It seems you went and played them well.
But I'm laughing while I'm whispering,
"Fuck you," is the only tale I wanna tell.
It sucks to be you. And sucks to be me.
If we find another imbecile,
I'll carve a line through all three.
"Tic, tac, and toe,
tried their best but had go."
Is what the tombstone will read,
After the supposed pastor,
Does his dog and pony show.
But i would rather be the ash, you placed inside a jar.
So if you'd need a line, you wouldn't have to reach as far.
As you did when I lived,
And pretended you cared.
So I wrote this kamikaze style,
Just so I could go out with some flair.
Cause to me this life is pointless, yet people tell me to pray.
But I'd rather piss in the wind, when it was blowing my way.
Cause i don't believe in god, to me it's nothing more than myth
That poor, simple people keep treating like a form of gift
And I don't want their advice, so I spit on well wishes.
I'm just hollow and alone, with a disposition that's vicious.
So this goes out to the addicts, that hang on my words.
This is the inscription, each one of you deserves.
You're such worthless junkies, I know that each of you binge.
So it's time i gave in, and helped you feed your syringe.
And the fire in my eyes, will help to heat the spoon.
Until the words turn to liquid, don't you move it too soon.
Then we can tie your arm, until it points out a vein.
Then once I'm inside you, you better not complain.
Cause you felt the love of a titan, mixed with old testament hate.
So enjoy every fucking thing, that I've placed on your plate.
Since you never would love me, and only would curse me.
It's time you got on your knees, and did more than beg for my mercy.
Use those pretty lips that pray, to take more than pain away.
And maybe I'll write you an ark, to survive this flood here today.
Otherwise you'll drown, and dip below the once-referenced waves
That are filling up your world, like the six feet in graves...

Said The Flower To The Vine

Oh, little dandelion.
My how fast you've grown.
Spent your days searching far and wide,
Look how fast the time has flown.
But, tell me... truly...
Are you happy now?
Having gone and spread yourself so thin
That your seeds blossomed discontent?
Have you felt the pains of wasted youth,
As you wondered where it went?
Forgetting that here inside the present tense,
You're a broken soul that's bare.
Confused, mistaken up for down
While here's starting to mirror there.
But if we're being honest now,
There are some things i have to know
Did you consider this a last resort?
Or just a place where you felt safe to grow?
Tell me, did you seek to gain attention,
From every passerby?
With the fear they would only see your gifts,
If displayed them here beneath the sky.
Oh, darling, I know, I know.
You weren't wrong to hope, per se.
But still they overlooked the fact
That you were beautiful in your own way.
In this world, efforts are oft for naught
For we're specks of dust inside the wind
We're at its mercy, once we're caught.
Then we're forced to move on again.
Ever onward, tumbling through the days
Until they then give way to night
And the way you live is far from wrong
But i know that you're not feeling right
For i have felt that way myself
Still being honest, like I said
It's the reason why I'm now sharing these
Words ringing loudly in my head
But it was as I was saying this
That her face began to change
And flashed a look with angry eyes
Then started acting strange
'Cause I guess she felt interrogated
Or even cross-examined in a court
So it was then she wished to shut me up
By offering this loud retort,
"For starters, I'm not just any flower.
Hell, you're looking at a rose.
A better form was never seen,
So it's often that I'm chose
But you call yourself some kind of vine,
But in truth, you're closer to a tree.
With roots dug in as deep as yours,
You don't know how good where else could be.
While sitting here, and growing old
Is all that you can do
Unaware that you are a giant fool
And the world's biggest sap is you
So save your condescending wisdom
And advice you've offered up
Because i think that you will be alone
Until the day your coffin's shut
And you can sit here and play the sage
As if all the answers are possessed
By that thing inside your head
And the foolish thing within your chest.
'Cause I'm too busy living life
To be concerned with what you think
And i could be somebody's wife
By the next time that you blink
So focus on your business
And i will concentrate on mine"
Yes, these were all the things
A gorgeous flower had said to a vine.

Liberating Loneliness

Write this down, today.
Mark the calendars if you wish.
I just realized the obvious.
How long had i been oblivious?
I am better off alone .
Wow. What a simple revelation.
I can't believe that out of a myriad of conclusions,
This one had never yet been my own.
For how stupid can one man be?
Thinking about others before himself
Clinging to values long since expired
Stuck in his own disbelief, up to his chest in a metaphoric mire.
But life seems to be better lived lacking love.
Ignoring dispositions truly false
Some say chivalry has died,
And i hope it doesn't have a fucking pulse.
Because it's pointless to deliver efforts
Only to see them get rebuffed
And see each day repeat itself
Until you've finally had enough
So I'm fearing that solitude is better
Than devoting self to one
Who will only drive you raving mad
When all is said is done
And these are the benefits of such
No actions to decode.
No subtle hints to decipher.
No emotions to wade through,
Free to do any-fucking-thing I ever wished to do.
No little dates to remember.
None of the hallmark channel shit
Just engaging every felt desire
Until i feel it best to quit.
This loneliness is liberating
For i only argue with my mind
No more waging petty, pathetic wars
Or hoping to rekindle a flame blown out by time.
Just me, myself, and I.
The only people I can trust.

What Is There Left To Say?

What is there left to say
That I've not already said
How on Earth can I convey
What goes on inside my head
Should i say I'm missing you
And still keep your pictures in my phone
Or how i wonder if you think of me
On nights that you're alone
Tell me, has the anger in your voice
Been given time to just subside
Or do you still feel hatred for the lack
Of time i was able to provide
For i know sorry's not enough
And actions are more equipped to prove
That i feel the stabs of my regrets
Each and every time i move
But could you find it in your heart
To say hello from time to time
And not remain silent through the days
Like a gorgeous pantomime
'Cause i know the window's closed
And i left too much room for you to breathe
But i miss the days you'd smile
And i hate these days in which you seethe
So won't you just forgive me, dear
I make mistakes, i'm just a man
Fighting to stay above the water
And do the very best i can
For I was dealt the poorest hand
But it's still the hand that i must play
Knowing the darkened clouds still overhead
Will only brighten up to gray
But you helped me to forget
All the hate I've felt for me
And you used to tell me things
That would cause this active mind to dream
But i don't expect a drop of love
To be drained from out your heart
And despite this bitter end
I only wish we could restart...
Even if it's only as friends.

False Pretense

Sitting at this countertop
Wishing i could drown my thoughts
Debating on reaching down for alcohol
And giving this glass a little life
For these few weeks have been long
And disasters have been seen
With a bright, blue sky here and there
And mental storms inbetween
It's on nights like this I wonder
What would Bukowski do?
Would he write down his word profound?
Or would he pour another drink and find something to smoke?
I doubt that I'll do either one
Even though I'm feeling like i should
Thinking what good has abstaining done?
Hell, what is the point of being good?
Maybe i could believe in gods
Or even steal the things i want
Maybe i could close my eyes for once at night
And not dread the thoughts that haunt.
But who gives a fuck when it's said and done
I can't even tell if I'm making sense
I've just grown tired of my pathetic dreams
Foolish thoughts
Ugly days
Lonely nights
Toss and turns on broken beds
Media panic
Religious fervor
Political promises
Subtle bigotry
Small-minded bickering
And especially those who feign to wish me well
And do so under false pretense.

The Grander Scale Of Things

"The Grander Scale Of Things"
2014

In the darkness I lay empty
In the darkness I am whole
In the darkness I am wide awake
For there's darkness in my soul
And blue skies may rule the day
But no stars will rule my night
For even the moon is known to disappear
If the conditions are just right
And nobody cares to hear details
Since we each possess our own
Struggles to survive and overcome
When we realize that we're alone
But i fear these thoughts are vices
That i keep relapsing to indulge
Since most get off on little, dirty secrets
Others just happen to divulge
But what does it truly matter
On the grander scale of things
When a soul can find no counterbalance
To help him even out the swings
And as one side is raised into the sky
The other grows closer to the ground
Points of view will become obscured
And no equal footing will be found
So let nobody tell you different
If there's darkness in your eyes
Just enjoy the view that you've obtained
As they're seeking shade from lies
For that's what light is known to do
It burns and illuminates the flaws
Of even the most known and noble souls
Without warning or just cause.
And i have felt it burn me
More than a time or two
Yet i won't display the scars
Just to amuse the fools like you
So as i retreat to darkness
And to things i feel are true
I feel the world is better off
If I'm no longer in its' view
So please leave this beast alone
In the tower he calls home
Where the ringing bell is the tale I'll tell
To inform this wretched world,
That their favorite doormat has come and gone.

Learn To Hate

"Learn To Hate"
2014

It's time to sever all connections
And raise the anchors that were there
Then we'll unfold our whitest flags
And raise them slowly in the air
To show the world we're finished
Playing this hide and seek with hope
Cause after treading so much water
I see that I'm finally out of rope
And there's this nagging, sinking feeling
That i cannot rise above
It tells me that i should learn to hate
When it hurts too much to love
For how much disappointment
Is one soul meant to bare
Before they shrug their shoulders
To prove their lack of care.
And if you asked me to describe
The way that I'm feeling deep inside
I'd say that bitterness returned
Like a strong, unforgiving tide
Come to erode the better parts of me
That i proudly used to have
But as each piece is washed away
All i can really do is laugh
Cause there's this nagging, sinking feeling
That i cannot rise above
It tells me that i should learn to hate
When it hurts too much to love
And I think I'm better off without it
So why should i bother to pretend
And why should a journey be restarted
After such a painful end
Yes, there were always weeds within the flowers
And even thorns upon a rose
But these facts have not a bit of bearing
On this stance that i have chose
And i don't need the view from mountains
To truly appreciate the climb
But if you see the heights from which I've fallen
Maybe you'd start appreciating mine
Or would you help pick up the pieces
Even place them in a pile
Am i wrong for being tired
Having gone every extra mile
While getting nothing in return
But regretful thoughts and misery
Knowing if i took the quickest look around
There's nobody missing me
'Cause there was a point in time
When I'd place no else above
But babe, i had to learn to hate
Because it hurts too much to love
And I want the world to know my pain
If you want to know the truth
Since my better days are gone
And evaporated like my youth.

The Plight Of Tired Hands

"The Plight Of Tired Hands"
2014

Every night before i sleep
I use my tired hands to trace
The spot inside my lonely bed
Where you'd take your rightful place
And i would stare and watch in awe
As you took each graceful breath
Knowing that to keep you safe from harm
I'd introduce myself to death
And I've imagined you alive and still
Glowing like an angel in your form
A sight so pure, the tears I've spilled
Have become a nightly norm
I watch your hair start to slowly fall
So it can kiss the pillowcase
And once I would have envied this,
But now I'm blessed to know your taste
With lips as soft as perfect clouds
It's as if you smile within your sleep
And i fear I'll move and wake you up
So it's my balance I must keep
And as i raise the sheets above your waist
With the hopes to keep you warm
I slowly place your hair behind your ear
As i barely lift my arm
For i need to see your gorgeous face
If I'm to believe it's not a dream
All while knowing deep down inside
I'm so happy i could scream
But instead i hear the rhythm of your breaths
And they seem to form a song
As i recall my wait of over thirty years
Wondering how i survived this long
Without your soft and healing touch
That slowly fixed my frowning face
Or have i truly dreamed you into life
I wonder if this could be the case
If it is, then darling I'm,
Pleading guilty here and now
Cause I've never fell this hard before
And i don't care to answer how
Leave the questions to the scholars, love
Their debates will rage for days
For I barely hear the noisy fan above
As I still stare at you, amazed.
And the window blinds are barely cracked
So the moonlight's pouring in
And I'm struck dumb as I observe
The way it dances off your skin
And i can't help my wanting you
You're just so majestic and alive
That i want to kiss you right awake
And taste the love I've been denied
Then I'll let you get your bearings as,
I kiss my way below your waist
Inching close to paradise
As i move the blankets now with haste
To reveal the amazing legs that hold you up
And I'm compelled to praise them much
But i would rather feel them here and now
And watch you tremble from my touch.

The Whispers Of No One

I have tried for a lifetime
To find some peace of mind
Days are spent like money i've never had
And hours are wasted like a relapsing drunk
Minutes are whores that never stay
Seconds? What the hell are they?
And here I am again.
In a house full of people.
As alone as I've ever been.
Mumbling to myself.
In a quiet, tone-deaf bliss.
With headphones on.
Songs so loud my ears ring between them.
But it doesn't matter.
I'll be deaf one day anyway.
But the reason for the volume
Is as simple as pressing play.
I'm trying to drown out the whispers of no one.
That voice in my mind,
It's haunted me for years.
Preying on my every doubt,
As it quickly amplified my fears.
It reminds me that I am truly broken.
And it laughs because the pieces don't even have the decency to be pretty.
Each one is uglier than the next.
But it doesn't matter.
I'll be dust one day anyway.
I'm in no rush to get there.
Besides, I've been metaphorically walked on before.
And "never again" cried the fool.
But oh yeah,
Please don't confuse the music,
As the soundtrack to a pity party.
For there are no chips and salsa here baby.
No drinks in dixie cups, or people dressed to the nines.
But I probably should have a drink.
And this nine, well he could sure use a sixty.
But I digress.
Yes, I'm a fucking mess.
But who isn't?
I mean it... really...
Anyone? Show of hands?
I didn't think so.
Or maybe the problem is I think too much.
Or maybe I just need sleep.
Comfort in the darkness of night.
On a bed as misshapen as its owner.
Hear that?
The tap-tap-tapping of the keyboard.
The honking horn of an incoherent clown.
Laughing to hide,
The horrors inside,
And the screaming that sounds...
Like the whispers of no one.

Re-Construction

The dam has been reconstructed.
Rebuilt with pieces of hopes and dreams.
Each broken promise is the mortar.
Filling both the gaping holes and seams.
But what does it matter?
The water level is rising.
Ever turbulent are the waves.
Beating down against the tired walls.
But with a foundation this far in place,
The outdated system never caves.
So who is there to blame?
For the crashing sounds calling out
Or for the optimism drowning slow
As I push it's head below the crests
And whisper, "you have much further down to go."
Die slowly, happy thoughts.
Greet the disappointment that you've left.
With a love no soul has ever seen
Just an owner here, both ugly and bereft.
Who are you to judge?
Who are you to stop and stare?
Who are you to pretend and feign a gasp,
Or have the fucking nerve to care?
Be not a witness here,
For blood will stain your hands.
I'm just drowning out the weakness of emotions, dear.
That's what nobody understands.
So leave me here to paint the walls.
And make this dam a mural that can warn,
Everyone. From the pretty to the peasant,
That I hate this entire fucking world today.
And I wish we gods were never born.

So ignore the noises that you hear.
For I have heights I need to reach
Just to escape my emotions' fluid state
In an attempt to clean this wretched, dirty slate.
Yet, I don't expect any sympathy
Or even expect a form of aid
Because my disposition is growing cold
So we can call a spade a spade.

The Purge?

I am at a loss for words.
A fool with nothing left to say.
Staring down at photographs
Hoping they'll turn and look my way.
But with nobody else to touch
Just how am i supposed to purge
The desires for the only one
Who awakened every urge
Won't a new goddess find her way
To the bed in which I lay
And take me to heights
Through all the nights
So i can forget how much i hate myself today
And if she's out there, alone like me
I truly hope she's reading this
Because I'm waiting here, impatiently
Hoping to touch and taste her precious gifts
And prove just how much I'm needing bliss.

Enjoy It, Baby?

Within my chest there has been a hole.
An endless void for all to see.
Or at least the few who cared enough,
To see how deep the well could be.
And within that internal crater, lies the proof that you were here.
Like an obnoxious print in wet concrete, made to leave your mark for years.
And despite my strong denials, the evidence will show
That I'm a fucking fool for holding on, and not learning to let go.
Because the worst gift one could ever get, is the hope that things will change,
Cause now you have come and gone again, and i feel a bit deranged.
But worry not, my darling true, you're safer than can be.
Cause in my world, you've been replaced, so this pen will bleed for thee.
For selfishness is a blissful trait, and you possess the thing in spades.
But watchful eyes will help your dreams, to dig and fill their graves.
And memories are such tired things, your face, like a shitty sitcom on repeat.
Now forgetting you feels so good, even diabetics would sure agree it's sweet.
But all of this is neither here nor bare, if that makes any sense at all.
Cause you built me up, then let me down, and didn't warn me of the fall.
And the broken shards that i became, would've made mosaics of your name.
But now i hate the very thought of you, and i feel not an ounce of shame
When i say there was an impressive list of things, that i wished to do to you.
But now my tongue has become a blade, and it's your heart I'm pushing through.
Enjoy it, baby.

A Foreboding Sense Of Love

With a darkness overwhelming,
I believe my world's adrift
But then she revealed herself to me
As if she was a living, breathing gift
That was wrapped in beauty
And held together with some grace
Complete with perfect imperfections
Radiating brightly from her space
With a smile that would rival suns
And lips that drew ire from the clouds
She means so very many things
That I would hesitate to say aloud
But there is a heaviness with my chest
And a paralyzing kind of fear
That I have failed to rise above
It's as if there's some emotions crawling in
And I feel this foreboding sense of love
"But how can this be," I ask
As if there were answers to be found
Knowing full and well that I could scream
But I would fail to make a sound
Because she left me speechless
Ever since she slyly stole a kiss
And placed her anchors in my bones
Pulling me ever closer to the bliss
That I have labeled highly sought for years
But never came close enough to me
So gravity failed to hold it near
And my happiness never grew to be
But here in the present tense
I am left confused,
With a mind that's racing
And nothing making sense
My heart feels so heavy
That it hurts to even breathe
Is the water slipping through my hands
Am I expected to believe
That I could be given such a gift
Only to have it taken back
Without a hint much less my consent
Leaving me unable to prevent
Is this the fate of all non-believers
For failing to repent
But what if angels hide their horns
The way that roses hide their thorns
And what if everything we'll ever do
Was planned before we're born
And what if devils never dance
Beneath the palest of the moons
And what if ancient kings never hid
Precious treasures in their tombs
What if those who kneel in prayer
Make requests from time to time
And what if one who rambled as much as me
Became some sort of pantomime
All while thinking what if human is divine
And what if the universe conspired
All to help and make her mine
So she can be the Magdalena to my Christ
Should I be worth her sacrifice
And if loving her was wrong
I would gladly pay the eternal price
With torture through the days
And longer nights bathed in flame
But I would gladly give my life
To make sure her fate was not the same
So if there be a true king of kings
Tell his majesty that I and I alone
Will shoulder all the blame
So please don't tear her from my reach
All to allow her to remain
Within the kind of alabaster jar
That would leave her subjected to the shame
Of maintaining a facade
All for the sake of righteousness
While knowing that her heart, mind, and soul
Would recommend her fighting this
And without a bit of confirmation
I have caused something beautiful to occur
For I have re-lit the Greek fire deep within her
And it drew the most poetic moth there ever were
But this foreboding sense of love was proven true
So what is this proudest fool to do
When I'm falling for the one I'm not supposed to have
But I'm incomplete without her
Like anything of importance
Missing its' other, better half
So I can try to ignore the very sight
That has only brought me joy
Or I could pretend I'm not close enough to feel her
When I'm making an honest living
By driving for the place that I'm employed
And I could try to make believe
Hell, I could even try to run
But see, her metaphoric anchors
Still reside within my bones
And they have a magnetic sort of pull
So I think it's time that I admit
That yes, there is a pain within my chest
From a heart that's heavy
And truly hard to bare
But that's only because it's the first time,
In who knows how long,
That this beating heart of mine,
Is finally,
And truly feeling full.
And it's all because of her.
My walking dream that's come to life.
Who knows that I wish to be beneath her,
Just to make her come tonight.
But I fear she knows of the darkness deep within
That I fight to hold at bay
In fear that it would consume the spark
That she is trying to help to stay
But here where the nightingales sing
Lies a tender, tender heart
Displayed upon a sleeve for many years
And so the healing failed to start
But now that she has arrived
In a most unexpected of the ways
I feel the honesty rising up inside my throat
Wanting to confess to this wretched world
About how she has left me so amazed
But there is a part of me that wonders
Just what I mean to her
And I wish I could see inside her mind
And behold the wonders there to find
To see in my face is ever displayed upon the walls
Like art from the renaissance
Or if a certain part of me has become a need
That's left her unsatisfied with wants
But am I even making sense?
Have I rambled on again?
Have I finally stopped my years of losing?
Is she the prize I've always sought to win?
I think that she is.
But I can feel that heaviness coming back,
My chest is straining still to bare the weight
All I can know for certain,
Is that to have her all to myself,
Even if it's only for one night
Would convince me that this universe of ours
Was on a mission just to prove,
That thirty years would be truly worth the wait.

The Sadist In The Waves

It's time we sound the alarm,

Yes, it's time to let the sirens blare.

To alert the disenchanted,

And inspire them to care

Whether it's for their self and preservation

Or just to watch what might occur

'Cause things may forever change

And be removed from what they were

It seems the dam has held its' own

It displays its' bravest face

But the tide is prone to climb

And by the noise we're hearing now,

This appear to be the case.

But you can only restrain the natural ways

If they consent to play along

Otherwise the sadist in the waves

Will unleash the depths of his addictions

Upon the unsuspecting masses

Who build the homes that become the graves

Where we will bury expectations

And accept living things as they are

Because we all want someone to love us

But we're prone to taking things too far

And just beyond that imagined ledge

Is where we often find the things

That have been allergic to our grasp

For what was felt like centuries

And that seems to be the pattern of the print

That some would call the fabric of our lives

Knowing disappointment can unravel everything

By removing pins that cut like knives

But my point in all of this,

May end up being just as lost as I have been

While seeing my youth draining into the bottom half

Of a glass that marks the hours

With a myriad of gentle grains

That unknowingly accumulate to mock

The seemingly everlasting duration of my pains

See, for years I have been lost in bitterness

In the center of a maelstrom self-designed

So many things failed to matter

Expect finding a way to justify the darkness in my mind

Hatred for self became the writing on the glass

That was invisible in natural light

But was well read when alone,

Causing reflections to warp and distort the present

Until it played out exactly like the past.

But that is neither here nor there,

'Cause the metaphoric, once-referenced dam

Is really the cage some would call my ribs

That contains a mortal, but hardened beast

Aching for release after a youth spent in bondage.

But the shackles still in place,

Have great reasons all their own.

For they know the beast was often wounded,

When it was left in any state but alone.

And the thought of love was a mirage

Like a phantom island in the sea

The answered prayer of drowning sailor

Hoping that it was paradise indeed

But that dreamboat was capsized by reality

And run aground by doubts

But now since the sight of love ,

Seems tangible and so very close

The beast begs for confirmation with its' shouts

But the soul brave enough to be

The one who will come and turn the key

Must be well aware of what she's doing

For the love within these walls

Would overwhelm and drown the weak

As well as it would truly suffocate the meek

But if this imagined goddess excels

At riding out the swells

Then maybe she could find a way to tame

The bleeding wounds, pouring out the shame

The beast has, for failing to live within the fields

Where some have been said to stop,

And smell the roses here abound

For it was too busy rebuilding all the pieces

That had fallen to the ground

But the previous siren I described

Is also a warning to the girl

For the only thing more powerful than this beastly love

Is its' unfiltered and potent hate

Distilled to make you regret your very birth

And it would certainly help you,

To shake in your fragile space,

And loudly curse about your fate.

But enough of this discussion,

The walls have proven themselves to be,

The opposite of steady.

So now they are coming down,

I am prepared to let the water take me.

The question is, darling...

Are you finally ready?

My, What A Fool I've Been

The title says it all.

In a way I never could.

Short, succinct.

Sharpened to the point.

And so hyperbole is gone.

Leaving only room for brutal truth.

I have been a slave to my doubts.

And been selfish with my gifts.

I've allowed my mind to be dulled by dreams.

And allowed my soul to be tainted with the stain of hope.

For hope is the worst thing one could have.

It makes you weak. Brittle.

Prone to kneeling with lips that spill their whispered wants.

In the hopes that someone will save them.

And no one will.

Because no one is listening.

And i have been the fool that thought because i was willing to change,
that maybe the world would too.

But i was delusional.

A mind clouded and drunk on optimism.

A state that never fit me well.

Because when left to face the truth, the honest know it can't be overlooked.

I had thought my treasure hunt would end.

That all the years of digging deep and moving on wouldn't be for naught.

But my, what a fool i was in.

Dreams of gods and goddesses, entwined in imagined hieros gamos.

A form of pretended transcendence, an escape from the bitterness and pain.

All while ignoring reality.

I wasn't a god engraving his name on gorgeous temple walls.

I was the ugly beast in the bell tower, ringing loud in shame.

Hoping someone would hear his calls.

But he got nothing.

That same nothing that he felt for years.

The familiar numbness that fit him like they claim a lover's embrace would.

But these words mean nothing now.

The only thing worth its' merit to mention,
is that my new armor has been forged inside fire of my eyes.

The walls have been rebuilt.
Fabled Jericho would nod in approval as it marveled at the scale.

My mind is sharper than Excalibur, now that I've pulled it from the stone.

Knowing that i am better off with bitter veins, pumping venom on their own.

And now the page has seen it's fill, for the night has come and gone again.

Just know the vengeful one has returned, and when the pen begins to bleed,

That not a soul will escape the rain.

Now allow me to depart,

And finally bury the fucking fool,

That lived inside my heart.

The Darkness Comes In Waves

"The Darkness Comes In Waves"
2014

This wretched disposition
Seems to fit me like a glove
'Cause I'm more comfortable with thoughts
That are far removed from love
So if this anger boiling up
Tends to burn you at the touch
Just know you are to blame
For suppressing it too much
I've felt the hopelessness return
That I once fought in vain
As reminders from your eyes
Are pouring down like rain
'Cause my darkness comes in waves
With the anger of the tide
And it's eroding everything
That you want to save inside
Now I know you're going to strike
Your favorite victim pose
Pretending not to have your thorns
When I stop reaching for your rose
But I know your sharpest point
Hides just behind your teeth
For I know the wonders of your tongue
And I know there's venom just beneath
I've felt the hopelessness return
That I once fought in vain
As reminders from your eyes
Are pouring down like rain
'Cause my darkness comes in waves
With the anger of the tide
And it's eroding everything
That you want to save inside
You can build your castles on the beach
And display them with your pride
But there's a certain fate for things
That can never be denied
So you can build your walls
To keep these things at bay
'Cause I once tried to do the same
But the pain will never go away
So you can duck and dodge
Or even run and hide
But I'm not seeing any place
With a shred of safety to provide
I've felt the hopelessness return
That I once fought in vain
As reminders from your eyes
Are pouring down like rain
'Cause my darkness comes in waves
With the anger of the tide
And it's eroding everything
That you want to save inside
Oh, dear I think it best
If you saved your breath and prayers
'Cause if there really is a god
I doubt he even cares
'Cause it seems this silly world
Is still spinning it its' space
And I've begun to hate that pretty thing
That some would call your face
'Cause the sight of you annoys
And the sound of you disgusts
And there are some heavy things
That we really must discuss
Tell me, how could I love someone
That I've never truly met
And why should I remember things
That I'm dying to forget
How could I want someone
That I have never fucked
Knowing if I touched that certain spot
I'd hope it made you self-destruct
Because you're nothing to me now
Yeah, less than you ever were
And I'm grateful for every fucking thing
That never did occur
So when my pen finally stops its' bleed
And the ink finally gets to dry
I hope I get to sit back here and watch
As your optimism dies
So you can feel the hopelessness return
That I once fought in vain
As reminders from your eyes
Are pouring down like rain
'Cause my darkness comes in waves
With the anger of the tide
And it's eroding everything
That you want to save inside
I bet you would tell your little friends
About the fool I used to be
But now my skin is peeling back
To reveal the beast I need to be
WIth claws that feel like knives
And teeth with a taste for death
Knowing that revenge is on my mind
For the years of wasted breath
Like telling you so many things
That I never should have said
'Cause I was a fool lost in fantasies
Who lived inside his head
And then you came crashing in
So many moons ago
Promising to lead me into happiness
As I was bathed in your lovely glow
But for all your beauty, dear
The games became too much
A condition on everything
Using negotiation as a crutch
To prop up the broken dreams
That fell to pieces in my eyes
When you knew more than fucking well
That I was different from the guys
That you gave yourself to
Without a contract or a clause
But giving me a sentence full of words
Made you feel worthy of applause?
Now I'd like to give you a hand
Or maybe a pair around your neck
But I'm not the abusive type
The last time I thought to check
So fear not for safety
I lost my lust for touching you
It's just your hopes and self-esteem
That I hope I'm crushing too
I've felt the hopelessness return
That I once fought in vain
As reminders from your eyes
Are pouring down like rain
'Cause my darkness comes in waves
With the anger of the tide
And it's eroding everything
That you want to save inside...

Get Me Off Desire

"Get Me Off Desire"
2014

They say too much of one thing
Is never good for me
And I should never do for those
That never would for me
So why do I keep reaching out
For one whose hands are tied
Leaving her unable to provide
The things I demand with pride
But the devil's said to hide
In the details that I've shared
And I'd be lying if I said
That I had even cared
'Cause in every dream I've had
You were front and center, love
And there's a monkey on my back
That I've failed to rise above
I guess I'm a junkie for a dream
That I've confused with lust
And when I'm in this state
It's myself that I can't trust
So if you can hear my voice
Would you please put out the fire
'Cause I need to be redeemed
So come and get me off desire
I've learned desire is a drug
And I've relapsed so many times
That once it's inside my veins
It spreads throughout my rhymes
So it's when I think of you
That the want becomes a need
And it's to the itch of seven years
That I truly must concede
'Cause even if I'm driving through the days
With the sun inside the skies
There's a cavalcade of things
Going on behind my eyes
And I'm still prone to flash a smile
When you are playing coy
Because there's a certain part of me
That wants to grow and bring you joy
But I guess I'm a junkie for a dream
That I've confused with lust
And when I'm in this state
It's myself that I can't trust
So if you can hear my voice
Would you please put out the fire
'Cause I need to be redeemed
So come and get me off, desire.
I've been trapped in solitude
For what has felt like years
And I've managed to escape the grip
Of my self-doubt and fears
But it's left me here with loads of time
To recall every single thing
And enjoy each sensation that
They are inclined to bring
See, memories have been replayed
Like favored movies on a screen
And I've recalled a satin web
That felt closer to serene
But the candles lit to show the way
Turned a fly into a moth
Who quickly went beyond control
As the widow bit into his soul
I guess I'm a fiend for memories
Being driven by his lust
And when I'm in this state
It's myself that I can't trust
So if you can hear my voice
Would you please put out the fire
'Cause I need to be redeemed
So come and get me off, desire.
And there was another girl
Who made her way into my arms
I was a bit too shy, too nice a guy
And fell victim to her charms
But what she awoke in me
Has not returned to sleep
As if the growing beast had shown
That he was a savage come to reap
And my confidence has been rebuilt
With every grunt and thrust
Then she placed my hands around her neck
Until the positions would adjust
And when I was clothed, she said the words
That went far beyond a flirt
And it made a part of me so difficult
That it then began to hurt
But I guess I'm a fiend for memories
Being driven by his lust
And when I'm in this state
It's myself that I can't trust
So if you can hear my voice
Would you please put out the fire
'Cause I need to be redeemed
So come and get me off, desire
And now there's a gorgeous queen
Who even hates to hear my name
And my friend, I must admit
That my actions are to blame
But truthfully, it was a lack of them
That turned her love to hate
She misconstrued my absence as
Me forcing her to wait
But truthfully, there were some things
That forced me to be away
And there was some trepidation that
There were three words I would say
But I still often dream of her
And imagine how profound
It would be to give her every inch
As I enjoyed her every sound
But that seems so far removed
From where I am forced to stand
That she's only loved through photographs
And the motions of my hand
And if that is too much for you to hear
It's too much for me to live
But I'm content in the knowledge that
I have vast amount to give
To any girl who's brave enough
To scale the crumbling walls
That I put up so long ago
In attempts to truly show
That I was content to be alone
But now? That's not the truth
I'm looking for demi-goddess who will embrace
A passion intensified by wasted youth
'Cause I'm still a junkie for a dream
That I've confused with lust
And when I'm in this state
It's myself that I can't trust
So if you can hear my voice
Would you please put out the fire
'Cause I need to be redeemed
So come and get me off, desire
And I'm sorry to those I've hurt
And I look forward to those I'll please
And may they never be the same
Unless it's a sort of bedroom game
And for now I'll leave my pen
To recover from this prolonged
Bit of sharing with the world,
As I imagine I'm inside the woman I adore,
Who confessed it's to me
That she, belonged.

Torture Me With Silence

Hello again everyone. It's that time again. Back with another poem. And it feels good to get another one written. It seems like inspiration has been hard to come by as of late. But thankfully, I got inspired today. I had two different ideas that I typed up as fragments in the memo app on my cell phone. And I had the feeling that I was onto something, but i just didn't know what. So when I got home, I had been listening to a song over and over, because it put me in a good mood. The song actually has nothing to do with the subject matter of the poem, but it kept my mood going and helped keep my spirits up. So it was good writing fuel. As for this particular piece, it's called "Torture Me With Silence." And it's partially based on a situation that I am currently in. As always, I took some poetic license and pushed things to another level. But it does stem from a very real place. And the poem boils down to that feeling we've all felt, where you want to hear from one person in particular, but due to circumstances, you don't. And the silence between the two of you feels like torture. So the poem is written from the perspective of a guy who is confessing to a woman that being left in limbo by her is a form of agony, but there is also a small part of him that likes it. But in the end, he only wants to be with her, despite everyone around him telling him that he deserves more than what he has gotten. But anyways, I'll stop rambling now, and let you read it. And thanks in advance for reading this. It means more than you will ever know. And as always, feel free to leave your thoughts in the comment section below.

picture by coolhead1 on deviantART

"Torture Me With Silence"
2014

The surest form of torture
Is this silence we have shared
For once I've had a taste of you
It can never be compared
To other flavors of the present
Or the aftertastes of past
Proving that there can be a first
But it's strongest taste that lasts
And while I've yet to sample what
I believe will be divine
It hasn't stopped you from lingering
In the corners of my mind
There's a rumor making rounds
I don't know if you've heard
It says you torture me with silence
No, you don't have to say a word
And they claim we've been together
In every way but death
But they still don't know I'd die
Just to finally feel your breath
Girl, your words have been the coal
Inside this imagination's flame
So if there are bridges being burned
Then you surely are to blame
'Cause you may be the thing I want
But there's something that I need
Since there's a masochistic streak
That I just have to feed
So when you're ignoring me
And you're playing hard to get
You should know it's killing me
That I haven't had you yet
And there's a rumor making rounds
I don't know if you've heard
It says you torture me with silence
No, you don't have to say a word
And they claim we've been together
In every way but death
But they still don't know I'd die
Just to finally feel your breath
But another form of torture
That I've discovered, dear
Is enduring the advice
That I have had to hear
They say that I'm too good
Or that you're no good for me
And that I am in a place
That only the truest fool would be
But they will never understand
How good this nothing feels
When I've been numb for years
Beneath a wound that never heals
And there's a rumor making rounds
I don't know if you've heard
It says you torture me with silence
No, you don't have to say a word
And they claim we've been together
In every way but death
But they still don't know I'd die
Just to finally feel your breath
See, anticipation often breeds
Excitement in the mind
And after years of digging deep
There's finally something new to find
And it's the hope you've placed
Right beneath my lust
So as bridges turned to ash
I chose to gladly sift through dust
And as I start to kick it up
I expect you to decide
If there's a part of me
That you would like to feel inside
Then you can take me to the mountaintop
And push me past the peak
'Cause the sounds that we will make
Will replace the need to speak
And I promise that this silence
Will show me many things to learn
So as I beg you not to stop
The world will finish out it's turn
Whether it's hiding from the sun
Or passing judgment from the shade
I know I'm only wanting you
Inside this empty bed I've made
And there's a rumor making rounds
I don't know if you've heard
It says you torture me with silence
No, you don't have to say a word
And they claim we've been together
In every way but death
But they still don't know I'd die
Just to finally feel your breath
Darling, can you say my name
I want to feel it on my skin
'Cause you will never put me out
After the day you let me in
And when all is said and done
I believe you will enjoy
All I've said and done
After my doubts have been destroyed
So no matter what they say
You have nothing left to fear
'Cause the masochist in me
Is still smiling ear to ear
Since your few words have been the coal
In this imagination's flame
And the bridges burning bright
Finally have a soul to blame
And may that smoke become a sign
That I am calling out to you
Waiting for you to come around
And to do that thing you do...

The Power Of Your Love

Hello everyone. I know, I know. It's been awhile. And believe me, I've been going a little stir crazy lately, knowing I haven't had the inspiration to write. But just the other day, I was sitting at my desk and was listening to a lot of music. I got on an Incubus kick, and after listening to a bunch of their songs, the words finally began to flow. And I was happy that they did. Hopefully, that shines through in the poem. But as for this poem, "The Power Of Your Love," it's a different type of poem for me. It's basically about a yearning for the love of one person. And feeling that it's their love, and theirs alone, that can make you whole again. Sadly, it's a feeling that I've never actually had in life. But some days, when I'm feeling a little more optimistic, I think it the back of my mind that I will know the feeling one day. Which is, for those who know, quite shocking for me to think, much less say out loud. But at the end of the day, I blame Incubus, lol. Listening to their music, specifically the song "Echo" that put me in such a mood, that I was capable to writing something like this. So I'll stop explaining everything now, and just actually let you read it. Hopefully, you all enjoy it. And thanks in advance for reading this. It means more than you will ever know.

 

"The Power Of Your Love"
2014

Mosaics have been made
From the pieces of the glass
That used to cut our skin
Like memories from the past
And if often made a scene
That we'd rather not relive
But perspective is a gift
That this angle has to give
Looking down from up above
Like the vision of the gods
If there's a chance to find some love
Then it's time I played the odds
Instead of living in my head
Where the fear rules the countryside
For there's something to be said
By the things I've been denied
Girl, I want to be the monument
And the testament in there of
So come and let me be the proof
To the power of your love
If you can take this broken man
From the pieces where he'd lay
Then you can make a shining crown
Here on top your head today
They say moths are drawn to flames
Like children are to games
But only one choice is prone to burn
Is what I had to learn
But I'm willing to be the moth
If that spark inside your eyes
Stays burning brightly through the night
As we remove each piece of cloth
Darling, can I propose a toast
To the joy inside your smile
Because I feel inclined to boast
Despite it having been awhile
Since I ever felt like this
Or really felt at all
I'm here slipping from my stance
And for once I want to fall
'Cause I want to be the monument
And the testament in there of
So come and let me be the proof
To the power of your love
If you can take this broken man
From the pieces where he'd lay
Then you can make a shining crown
Here on top your head today
Girl, I can tightly close my eyes
And watch the colors draw your face
And though the image is beautiful
The real thing can never be replaced
And I'll confess inside my mind
I've had you several different ways
And the sounds that you have made
Have brightened more than days
And you can tell your friends
Until they are amazed
But here inside my mind
I've turned far more than a phrase
But for all the ways I've took you
For granted's not for one
Because you are my everything
When all is said and done
And I still want to be the monument
Oh, the testament in there of
So come and let me be the proof
To the power of your love
If you can take this broken man
From the pieces where he'd lay
Then you can make a shining crown
Here on top your head today
What's a crown without a throne?
Just a chair inside a home?
Or is it simply just a place,
That the weary can rest each bone?
Dear, the thing I'm getting at
Is simple when you think
'Cause perception's powerful
When used between each blink
So while I may think the least of me
I am blessed that you do not
Because it seems you're loving me
With every single thing you've got
And you give yourself to me
And it's done in such a way
That now I can only think
There's a king beside you here today
But while I can write these words
it's hard to make them real
And I want to shower you with praise
Just to show you how I feel
And I want to be the man
I've been inside my mind
But the drive to make him real
Has been so very hard to find
When solitude has been
What's fit me well for years
And looking deep within
Was reaching into a well of fears
To drink the darkened brew
That was rising up inside
And watered metaphoric vines
To help my conversations hide
The level of bitterness
That was filling up my soul
And causing me to hate any thing
Over which I had no control
But as I look into that well
It's getting harder to recognize
The man I see staring back
Because he found himself a prize
And he's looking down from up above
With the vision of the gods
'Cause there was a chance to find some love
And he finally played the odds
Instead of living in his head
Where the fear ruled the countryside
But now he's heard the something to be said
By the things he was denied
And he is the monument
And the testament in there of
The living, literal proof
To the power of your love
'Cause you took this broken man
From the pieces where he'd lay
And made this shining crown
Here on top his head today