The Familiar Pull

Hello, everybody. Back again, for one last post in 2013. I hope you all had a Merry Christmas. And I hope this finds you all in great health and even better spirits. As for myself, I am feeling well, I guess. Things could be a lot better. But they could also be a lot worse. So it's best to keep things in perspective. But let's get into the piece shall we... If you guys remember I recently posted a small prose piece called, "A Small Confession" recently, and it was basically just me saying out loud that I'm just tired of being such a negative person. So I'm making a conscious decision to try and be a more positive person and use my natural openness and honesty in a more positive way. And of course, there's little voice in the back of my head that says it's pointless, but I have to give it an honest try. If for nothing else, than the prolonging of my sanity, lol. Which brings me to this piece. I'm feeling a touch of pride and dissatisfaction at the same time over it. The piece is called, "The Familiar Pull," and it speaks to my current state of being. I haven't been able to write poetry for weeks now, which left me frustrated in a sense. And last night, I was listening to the song "Secrets" by OneRepublic, and I suddenly became overwhelmed with an urge to write. And what I wrote is what follows. The title is completely apropos for this piece. Because while writing it, around the midway point, that I felt a familiar pull to write something negative about someone from my past, but by the end I consciously changed directions and tried to be more positive in the end. But the title is meant to convey something that we all have to deal with in our lives; the familiar pull of doubt. Trying to pull us back from the better things in life. The image below conveys how I feel doubt has treated the better parts of my personality, but life is too short to focus on shortcomings. We must all push forward through the fire known as life, and forge stronger and better versions of ourselves. But enough of my rambling, I'll let you get to the piece now. But thank you all for reading this. It means more to me than you will ever know. And get ready, because I have something great planned for the coming year...





"The Familiar Pull"
2013

Looks like another year is gone
And I'm lying in the same old place
The mirror's still fogging up
Hoping to avoid the same old face
And truly, there's a bitterness
Rising up inside my veins
But I don't want to be the man
That just constantly complains
So maybe while I'm lying here
And hoping that my life will change
I could finally get off my ass
Then moving on won't feel so strange
But as my body starts to rise
I'm feeling that familiar pull
And I'm thinking that I had my fill
Of seeing this glass any less than full
A heart displayed on my sleeve
Will only find a way to bleed
While leading me to believe
Inside I have all I'll ever need
It's time to walk into the sun
Find a little room to shine
Knowing that I'm far from done
So I'll let this world know that it's mine
Friend, I used to think I had enough
But now I feel I need some more
I've spent my life behind these walls
And now I'm walking out that door
And out into this open world
So full of things I've yet to see
Past time to let these wings unfurl
And see how warm the sky can be
Tired of being on the ground
With this pair of angry knees
Taking things out on everyone
Moods shifting like the breeze
See, first I'd be up then down
While looking for a way around
The advice I did receive
Pretending I didn't hear the sound
But a heart displayed on my sleeve
Will only find a way to bleed
While leading me to believe
Inside I have all I'll ever need
It's time to walk into the sun
Find a little room to shine
Knowing that I'm far from done
So I'll let this world know that it's mine
Spent so many minutes posturing
And acting like I know what's best
But now I've got a lot of room
To get this shit up off my chest
Girl, I used to be so consumed
With all this hatred for you
That I could forget about my lust
And focus on what you put me through
And if you were right here
I wouldn't shed a damn tear
I'd simply ask you, "where the hell you've been?"
'Cause we both know that it ain't been near!"
And a heart displayed on my sleeve
Will only find a way to bleed
While leading me to believe
Inside I have all I'll ever need
It's time to walk into the sun
Find a little room to shine
Knowing that I'm far from done
So I'll let this world know that it's mine
And while I can't ignore the wrong I've done
I'm gonna focus on the right I'll do
And put my mind on much better things
And just ignore the sight of you
'Cause I can't ignore the things I've said
While doubt was ringing in my head
But you were just a fantasy
That never came to share my bed
And I can't ignore mistakes I've made
As I danced along my faults displayed
But I will start anew this year
Don't need to call a spade a spade
But there's something that I want to share
To the few people that always cared
If you give me just a little time,
I'm hoping the bridges that I tried to burn
Will finally be repaired
A heart displayed on my sleeve
Will only find a way to bleed
While leading me to believe
Inside I have all I'll ever need
It's time to walk into the sun
Find a little room to shine
Knowing that I'm far from done
So I'll let this world know that it's mine
In closing on this brighter day,
There's a final thing that I have to say
If you start feeling a familiar pull,
You should know that it could be me,
Reclaiming all of those that I once pushed away...