A Believer's Prize

Hello again everyone. I hope these words find you all in great health and even better spirits. It's that time again. Back with another poem. It is called, "A Believer's Prize," and this one is very special to me. For starters, it was inspired by a dream a had about a week or so ago. And oh yeah, it was also inspired by listening to the new album, "Delta Machine" by Depeche Mode. But to give you a little back story, very recently I was talking to a beautiful, young woman who I cared for, and by some form of luck, she actually cared about me as well. And things were going well between us, and it seemed like we were going to progress into something more. But to make a long story short, after getting our signals crossed, I said some very, very hurtful things to her and pretty much ruined any chance I had of being with her. Which is my own fault. But in this dream I had, I actually saw her face, crystal clear, and she basically forgave me for being such a moron, and reacting so harshly. But the words that she spoke in the dream, actually harkened back to a time when we had a disagreement of sorts. See, she is a spiritual person, who believes in God, while I, myself, am an atheist. So she wasn't sure, if she could be with someone who didn't believe in God. But as I began to write the poem, it was written from the perspective that she is looking past my laundry list of mistakes, and the few that she made, and wants us to be together again. Almost just like in the dream. Except in the dream, we were face to face talking. And we shared a kiss afterwards. And I swear, after I woke up, I could almost taste her kiss. It's weird how vivid the mind can be. But I feel the poem is a beautiful tribute to her,  and I also realized the poem is basically a part two to a poem I wrote a few weeks ago. That poem was called, "If There Is Such A Thing," and was written to express the depression I felt after losing what we had. So okay, enough of my rambling now. I will let you all read it finally. But I just wanted to explain why this piece means so much to me. But it can't compare to the person that it's about. Thank you all for reading this. It means more than you will ever know.

"A Believer's Prize"
2013

Today's another day
That I was blessed to see
But much to my dismay
You weren't next to me
And when I turned around
I see the place you used to lay
The impression's still as deep
As it was on yesterday
But then I recall the words
That I once said to you
And I know they hurt like hell
'Cause I thought them to be true
But now I realize
Just how wrong I was
So now I'm calling you
And the reason is because
I don't need you to believe
In what the books might say
I just need to know your eyes
Will only look my way
So please ignore the judgments
Of those who matter not
Baby, just come back home
And give me all you've got
Now the black is bleeding in
And turning night from day
While the stars are little lights
Sparkling far away
But I'm sitting here alone
And I'm staring at the phone
While praying to a God
For the sound of ringing in my home
But then I recall the words
That I once said to you
And I know they hurt like hell
'Cause I thought them to be true
But now I realize
Just how wrong I was
So now I'm calling you
And the reason is because
I don't need you to believe
In what the books might say
I just need to know your eyes
Will only look my way
So please ignore the judgments
Of those who matter not
Baby, just come back home
And give me all you've got
See, I know you have your faults
They're clear and well defined
But I won't excuse my own
Since they've come to light in time
And opinions often differ
When people speak their minds
But my reaction was much stiffer
Than the knee-jerk sort of kinds
But what gives life it's meaning
Is when things are not the same
And I know things between us failed
And we each must bare some blame
But I hope you'll believe me when I say
That I have finally opened up my eyes
And I see that it was an atheist
That was this true believer's prize
But then I recall the words
That I once said to you
And I know they hurt like hell
'Cause I thought them to be true
But now I realize
Just how wrong I was
So now I'm calling you
And the reason is because
I don't need you to believe
In what the books might say
I just need to know your eyes
Will only look my way
So please ignore the judgments
Of those who matter not
Baby, just come back home
And give me all you've got
And now I hope you know,
I don't need you on your knees
Unless you like that sort of thing
So, won't you put my soul at ease
And give this phone a ring
No, I don't need you on your knees
Unless you like that sort of thing
So, won't you put my soul at ease
And give this hand a ring
Then we'll ignore the judgments
Of those who matter not
Oh baby, just come back home
And give me all you've got...

The Littlest Of Lies

Hello everyone. It's me, again. Back with another poem. I really haven't been inspired to write much as of late. But thankfully, that changed tonight. I was listening to an amazing song by one of my favorite bands, "Dancing With The Dead" by 10 Years, and I was suddenly compelled to write. The poem began to form really fast, and I typed as fast as I could to try and keep up with all of the ideas that were coming at me. And looking back now, the poem is relatively unchanged from when I first started typing. So I always enjoy that. When the ideas come naturally, I just have to let them flow, and not fight them at all. Because it seems that's when writer's block will set in. At least for me. And I feel like when something is forced, it will never reach it's true potential. But anyways, the poem, thankfully, is not autobiographical. Given the subject matter. But hearing stories from friends and co-workers over the years, this sort of tale has happened to people I used to know. So for some reason, the inspiration hit me, and I wrote about this subject. So enough of my rambling, here it is. Hopefully you all enjoy reading it. But not too much, lol. Again, given the subject matter. And in advance, thank you all for reading this. It means more than you will ever know.

 

"The Littlest Of Lies"
2013

While lying in a bed
That's motionless and still
Memories choke the mind
And the eyes begin to fill
But the lips are dry and cracked
The surest signs of apathy
And the only one I've loved
Is growing mad at me
'Cause it seems she's heard the news
And she thinks it to be true
And while I didn't light the fuse
I know what she is gonna do
'Cause it's the littlest of lies
That often compromise
By sparking up the fight
That I'm caught inside tonight
And though the lie was white
Her eyes are turning red
And she's screaming back at me
With every word I've said
Now we're standing in the hall
And each has chose an end
Better times still drape the wall
But tonight's too far from then
And as the volume starts to rise
The lights have every right to burn
While causing me to sweat
As the night takes another turn
'Cause it seems she's heard the news
And she thinks it to be true
And while I didn't light the fuse
I know what she is gonna do
'Cause it's the littlest of lies
That often compromise
By sparking up the fight
That I'm caught inside tonight
And though the lie was white
Her eyes are turning red
And she's screaming back at me
With every word I've said
Now I'm trying to gather up the nerve
To look her in the eyes
And give the truth that she deserves
But I've told so many lies
That she never will believe
That I'm innocent of this
'Cause when you've always been deceived
The mark gets harder to miss
But I feel I must defend
What little soul remains
But I watch her cross her arms
As I'm trying to explain
That when you're the envy of the town
They will try to bring you down
And the birds will often sing
When they see you wear the ring
But the days that you're alone
No one's calling on the phone
'Cause they will ever chase the one
Who's not bothering to run
And when they see you smile at me
Their stomachs start to turn
'Cause we have the happiness
For which they've yearly yearned
But now your love has turned to hate
As you accuse me of the crimes
That I would never commit
At least, most of the times
But I freely admit my mistakes
While knowing they're paid for in full
But darling, I will never forget
What you're now trying to pull
When you claimed you heard the news
And thought it to be true
Knowing I didn't light the fuse
But you did what you wanted to do
And yes, it's the littlest of lies
That will often compromise
By sparking up the fight
That we're caught inside tonight
And though the lie was white
Her red eyes have faded for now
And she's just staring at me
As I kneel down to lift,
The broken picture of us,
That's lying on the ground...

 

If There Is Such A Thing

Hello everybody. It's that time again, lol. This is a poem I finished writing the other night. It's was greatly inspired by listening to a song that I love. That song, is "Taciturn" by Stone Sour. In my opinion it is an amazing song. The words are incredibly honest, and show a vulnerability that many people wouldn't have the courage to express, in such a public way. Thankfully, Corey Taylor, is a fearless musician, and in turn becomes a true inspiration for people like me. And the song, to me, seems to be about longing for a person. But as for the poem itself, it started out from a simple concept; that being, the title. The title popped into my head while I was listening to the song, and I immediately rushed to my computer and began to type. The words came relatively fast, and came from kind of a dark place. The tone of the poem shifts gradually over the course of the piece, from the narrator's views on the world, to slowly admitting this view point is due to the loss of a woman he cared for immensely. And it's a confession of sorts, that this loss was due to his own actions. So in the fashion of the song, the narrator tries to be honest and vulnerable, in the hopes the woman he lost will be able to hear the words, and forgive him. But enough of my rambling, let's get to it, lol. Thank you all for reading this. It means more than you will ever know.

"If There Is Such A Thing"
2013

As each new day is born
My self-confidence is worn
Like a tattered sail that's been displayed
Through a battle torn and frayed
But there are days when skies are clear
And they occur this time of year
But when your skies are often gray
You're not left with much to say
So you try to think the thoughts
That could inspire just a smile
But that wish is all for naught
In this world so cold and vile, 'cause...
If there's such a thing as grace
I have never seen it's face
And if there's such a thing as pride
I know that mine has died
And if there's such a thing as fate
I've discovered it too late
But if there's way I could restart
I'd want it with all my heart,
If there is such a thing...
As each new day grows old
A thousand lies are likely told
But both your friends and foes alike
Oh, the graph would show a spike
But no, things aren't always bad
And there are good times to be had
But they are things that often miss
When aiming at a wretched soul like this
So you could try to think the thoughts
That could inspire just a smile
But that wish is all for naught
In this world so cold and vile, 'cause...
If there's such a thing as grace
I have never seen it's face
And if there's such a thing as pride
I know that mine has died
And if there's such a thing as fate
I've discovered it too late
But if there's way I could restart
I'd want it with all my heart...
'Cause she gave me glimpses of her grace
And it seems I spat into her face
And it truly wounded all her pride
So now the flame inside has died
And that's the expected form of fate
When you apologize too late
But if there's way I could restart
I'd want it with all my heart
And as each new night is born
My scarlet letter's proudly worn
For I betrayed her with my words
And became the handsome scourge
That was lashing out in print
As each letter made its' dent
In the designer armor that she wore
That was tailored just before
She ever had an urge to love
The fool who just couldn't rise above
The hate he had for self
That was flaunted like it's wealth
But in the end the fool was broke
And with every angry word he spoke
His prize would drift away
So now it's through the ashes of bridges burned
That he must sift before he'll say...
Oh, you could try to think the thoughts
That could inspire just a smile
But that wish is all for naught
In this world so cold and vile, 'cause...
If there's such a thing as grace
I have never seen it's face
And if there's such a thing as pride
I know that mine has died
And if there's such a thing as fate
I've discovered it too late
But if there's way I could restart
I'd want it with all my heart
'Cause she gave me glimpses of her grace
And it seems I spat into her face
And it truly wounded all her pride
So now the flame inside has died
And that's the expected form of fate
When you apologize too late
But if there's way I could restart
I'd want it with all my heart
Oh, if there's a way I could restart
I'd want her and only her,
And I'd want her with all of my damaged heart
But that's only if there is such a thing,
Inside my chest...