My, What A Fool I've Been

The title says it all.

In a way I never could.

Short, succinct.

Sharpened to the point.

And so hyperbole is gone.

Leaving only room for brutal truth.

I have been a slave to my doubts.

And been selfish with my gifts.

I've allowed my mind to be dulled by dreams.

And allowed my soul to be tainted with the stain of hope.

For hope is the worst thing one could have.

It makes you weak. Brittle.

Prone to kneeling with lips that spill their whispered wants.

In the hopes that someone will save them.

And no one will.

Because no one is listening.

And i have been the fool that thought because i was willing to change,
that maybe the world would too.

But i was delusional.

A mind clouded and drunk on optimism.

A state that never fit me well.

Because when left to face the truth, the honest know it can't be overlooked.

I had thought my treasure hunt would end.

That all the years of digging deep and moving on wouldn't be for naught.

But my, what a fool i was in.

Dreams of gods and goddesses, entwined in imagined hieros gamos.

A form of pretended transcendence, an escape from the bitterness and pain.

All while ignoring reality.

I wasn't a god engraving his name on gorgeous temple walls.

I was the ugly beast in the bell tower, ringing loud in shame.

Hoping someone would hear his calls.

But he got nothing.

That same nothing that he felt for years.

The familiar numbness that fit him like they claim a lover's embrace would.

But these words mean nothing now.

The only thing worth its' merit to mention,
is that my new armor has been forged inside fire of my eyes.

The walls have been rebuilt.
Fabled Jericho would nod in approval as it marveled at the scale.

My mind is sharper than Excalibur, now that I've pulled it from the stone.

Knowing that i am better off with bitter veins, pumping venom on their own.

And now the page has seen it's fill, for the night has come and gone again.

Just know the vengeful one has returned, and when the pen begins to bleed,

That not a soul will escape the rain.

Now allow me to depart,

And finally bury the fucking fool,

That lived inside my heart.