Dependent On Transcendence

Hello everyone! It's that time again. (Finally, lol.) I hope this new year is treating you all extremely well. May you all be in great health and even better spirits. 2014, has been a slow burn for me so far, creatively. But, I have finally finished my first new poem. This one took a few sittings to really get where I wanted it to be. I'm still unsure if I'm happy with it. But I feel like making any more changes to it, would be doing the piece a disservice. So, I figured I should share it with all of you, and get some feedback on it. I dug down kinda deep for this one. It has some of my real feelings in it. But it also is greatly exaggerated to make for a better poem. This piece is called, "Dependent On Transcendence." And it came about in a weird way. The inspiration first hit me while I was listening to this slightly older song called, "I Am One" by The Smashing Pumpkins. So immediately started typing and let the words take me where they me wanted to go. Then when I hit the wall a bit, I stopped. Then I realized where I had been going subconsciously with the piece and decided to come back to it later. So a few days ago, is when it really took shape. I had been listening to two songs on a loop, almost. The songs were "Alchemy" and "Sun & Moon" by Above & Beyond. Those songs put me in the mind-space I needed to be in. So I wrote and wrote, and what you will read is the result. This poem is a piece about the thin line between infatuation and obsession. And it's written is if the narrator is telling someone else's story, but in reality, he is in denial and speaking of his own predicament. And the background of the piece is based on the old idea of the hieros gamos ritual. This man believes that the woman who is the focal point of his desire/obsession is the person who can save him from a life of pain and emptiness and anger. And in his mind, she has been built up to the level of a goddess. So he is tormented by the fact that she is with someone else, and he cannot have her. But that only strengthens his resolve to win her over. And there are times throughout the piece where reality bleeds in, and he realizes his quest is futile. But it's almost as if the thought of being with her physically has become a drug for him. One that he can't stop taking. And one that he doesn't want to stop taking. But I'm gonna stop talking about the piece now, and let you read it, lol. I hope you all like it. And as always, thank you so very much for reading all of this. It means more than you will ever know.

"Dependent On Transcendence"
2014

He had lived a life eternally
But only here inside his head
And the man he learned to be
Would not've left that statement said
For he was much too concerned
With tearing down this world
And yet it never lost its' turn
So all he did was seethe and yearn
For better days to come along
And prove that his outlook was wrong
But when a man begins to covet
All of which he sees
Tell me, what's he supposed to do?
When his true desire flees?
Is he supposed to turn and run?
And call this day a loss?
Or should he crawl on broken glass?
As penance paid for joyous cost?
And see, that was how he thought
For in a rut the boy was caught
But then along there came the one
Who would prove life is far from done
And now I'll recall what did occur
Oh, friend, this is what he said to her...
"The bitterness I once displayed
Has left my pages torn and frayed
It seems so long that I had prayed
For perspective in this bed I made
But look at you so lovely and
Floating here above the land
But here and now inside my hand
Is the proof that I am more than man
And with beliefs few and far between
Tell me, why do I feel serene?
Am I running out of time?
Or can you truly be divine?
Come down, won't you angel?
And let me touch your wings
Bathe me in your guiding light
And purge me until it stings
Come down won't you angel?
Show me all your love and grace
Then open up your pearly gates
And grant this sinner just a taste
Oh, here I am your humble servant
Broken once and then rebuilt
And though I don't deserve it
I'm begging you to come and kill my guilt
I've carried it so many years
Like Atlas in the tragic lore
And though I shed so many tears
I'll give you my everything and more
But with beliefs few and far between
Tell me, why do I feel serene?
Am I running out of time?
Or can you truly be divine?
Come down, won't you angel?
And let me touch your wings
Let me feel your guiding light
Purging me until it stings
Come down won't you angel?
Show me all your love and grace
Then open up your pearly gates
And grant this sinner just a taste
Girl, free me from this mortal shell
With that thing you do so well
That's taking me to blinding heights
In my dreams on lonely nights
So please free me from this shell
For my mind has become the hell
That's burned and left me black
As proof of confidence I lacked
But here inside the walls erect
My old defense is surely raised
I feel the doubt is gnawing still
Though it's you I choose to praise
But what's the use of wanting you?
When I never get to have?
I have seen you smile so many times
That it has begun to drive me mad
For the source of your sweet delight
Is not the lonely one you hear
No, it's some other soul come to roost
And to tightly hold you, dear.
So with beliefs few and far between
Tell me, why should I feel serene?
When I'm running out of happiness
And beneath an avalanche of stress
But still I'm saying,
Come down, won't you angel?
And let me touch your wings
Bathe me in your guiding light
Purge me 'til it stings
Come down won't you angel?
Show me all your love and grace
Then open up your pearly gates
And grant this sinner just a taste
Girl, do you know how long it's been?
Since I have said with pride?
That there is someone in this world
That I need to be inside
But now, I'm afraid those thoughts
Are wishes wished in vain
And yet this rush I get from you
Feels like something in my vein
And it pains my soul to know
The one that makes you feel this way
Isn't reflected in the glass
I stare into everyday
And we know I'll never talk of love
'Cause that just isn't me
I'm just a junkie for the dreams
In which you visit me
But now I'm begging you
To make these dreams come true
And stop playing with my mind
By flashing certain parts of you
Won't you let me see them bare
Unleash your glory on this wretch
'Cause I have heard your voice
Carried on every breeze I catch
And I've imagined your perfume
Filling up this lonely room
And it's sweeter than anything
The season spring could bloom
And I've imagined that your skin
Is as smooth as porcelain
But you're not fragile to the touch
Yet I still want to break you in
Darling, do this thing for me
Let me show you what we could be
When you put my love against your lips
And you're looking up at me
Would I look like a god?
Or something you're proud to own?
Would you answer all my prayers?
Please, don't leave me here alone
'Cause with beliefs few and far between
I still want to feel serene
Am I running out of time?
Or can you truly be divine?
Come down, won't you angel?
And let me touch your wings
Let me feel your guiding light
Purging me until it stings
Come down won't you angel?
Show me all your love and grace
Then open up your pearly gates
And grant this sinner just a taste
Girl, free me from this mortal shell
I'm dying, can't you tell?
By falling from these blinding heights
For you, in my dreams on lonely nights..."