Do You Find Me Sadistic?

"Do You Find Me Sadistic?"

The roar of flying planes
Is drowning out your screams
And so pure are dying veins
When wrapped around your dreams
Are your heartstrings being tied
Until they become a noose
Into which we'll slip your pride
'Til your logic lets it loose
'Cause like flies inside of jars
Our point of views collide
As debris reveals the scars
That we've both long denied
Are our backbones being used
To wind us up to dance
Or will their whispers find a way
To kill the truth's advance
Since we let the ones with shovels
Dig holes into our lives
But they will never be content
Until neither one survives
So the shovels pierce the dirt
Like true catalysts for change
But they don't alleviate the hurt
They just magnify the mange
On this life that's like a hole
In which we have to hide
As our skin is hardening
To keep us safe inside
But give sufficient time
And one day you will see
There's more for your eyes to find
When you look inside of me
And that time is now...
So look...
Look into my eyes, friend.
Use your hands to lift the lids, and find your chosen path.
Make your way past the lashes, still dense like a jungle's brush.
Journey far beyond that gentle brown ring that lulls you into comfort.
I want you to look deeper.
Deep into that gloriously, blackened center.
Do you see it? Good.
Because now you know...
Now you know, just what you are dealing with.
See, I have searched the corners of my mind.
And found the pieces of my memories.
When I put those broken shards together
I was able to see the bigger picture.
It was a mosaic of sorts.
And I have seen patterns in your behavior.
Small, yet repeated betrayals.
Whispered, yet spoken insults.
All masked as some greater good.
All dressed up as attempts to see how far someone else would go.
But none have gone as far as you, friend.
You have turned other's vents into volcanoes.
Fanned their inner flames until only infernos remained.
Then you stepped back and watched my world burn.
And don't let the fairer sex be involved.
For then there are no lows you won't stoop to reach.
No chair that you won't kick out from underneath me.
All in an attempt to raise your stature in their eyes.
All in an attempt to puff your chest out a little further.
But the bitter truth is, you are nothing.
As meaningless as I am, you are less than me.
Everything you now flaunt, I've already had.
Everything you truly want, I've watched you lose.
And everything you think you are, changes with the wind.
I am the constant.
Slowly moving forward. Slowly evolving with time.
But still, I am constant.
A constant reminder for you, of your own inadequacies.
A constant reminder for you, of your growing list of mistakes.
And a constant reminder for you, that you're bitterness is well-deserved.
You hate on everyone and everything.
Only the things you do are of great importance.
And in your own mind, is the only place you can truly shine.
The rest of us? We just laugh at you.
But tell me, friend... do you know what your biggest mistake was?
It wasn't your betrayals.
It wasn't your whispers.
It wasn't even you getting rid of me.
It was your taking my kindness, for weakness.
It was your thinking that just because I choose to treat people well, that it makes me weak.
The fact that I choose not to raise my voice, that it makes me afraid to speak.
The fact that I rarely throw my hands, that it makes afraid to use them.
But you are mistaken.
You think that because you may have prominent friends, that that makes you better?
You think that because people know your name, that that makes you safe?
You think that because you have more money than me, that that gives you power over me?
You are wrong.
Because I am calm now, you see?
But if I were angry... truly and justly angry... do you know how far I would go?
Do you think if I got so angry and wanted to harm you, that I wouldn't?
Do you think if I wanted to tear your throat out, that there is anyone in this room that could stop me?
I didn't think so...
But don't worry, "friend..." We're just talking here.
But since we are JUST talking, let me leave you with this....
Life... THIS life, is a grand opera...
And for most of my young life, I was content to play my role...
To ashamed of myself to audition for anything else...
To afraid of my own power, to grab those metaphoric brass rings...
But you?
You've tried to cast yourself as the victim.
Persecuted by a trend-loving, imaginary-man-worshipping world...
Acting as if you are pure, and untouched by the corruption of our city.
But since you tried to cast yourself as the virgin,
In this little play of life
Then it's time you found out that karma is a surgeon
That will penetrate you with the knife....
And then, you will look up at me...
With that beautifully shocked look, on your ridiculous face...
And I will whisper in your ear, words that I heard in a movie once...
"Do you find me sadistic?"
"...You know.. I'd like to believe that you're aware enough,
even now to know that there's nothing sadistic in my actions."
"...At this moment, this is me at my most... masochistic..."
And as you gasp, and slowly crumple to the floor,
I will stoop down and smile...
Then wipe the blade upon your shirt...
And calmly, take my leave...