Lacking Suggested Grace

"Lacking Suggested Grace"

When happiness is lying still

In the truest vegetative state

Near a stack of fabled texts

About a god I must forsake

A decision pondered long

Without a trace of haste

For my days are fleeting fast

I've not a seventh one to waste

And I know this bitter truth

Hurts you so very much

But there hasn't been a place

That misery has failed to touch

And if it's somebody's will

Or part of some grander plan

Then I would rather try to fill
My mind with things I understand

But I just wanted you to know

This pain I've caused to you

Wasn't done intentionally

But what was I to do?

After suffering through the pain

Of much self-doubt and strife

Knowing the path was arduous

And embattled like my life

But pity not this wretched soul

Lacking such suggested grace

Because I did discover peace
When I awoke and saw your face
Lying picture perfect in it's place
Like a portrait with a pulse
The might of beauty in a glance
Often overwhelmed my circumstance
But it's this search for answers
That has drove a wedge between
My non-believing state of mind
And this darling girl serene
And while not knowing's beautiful
When you're often fond of mystery
But these questions linger still
And they're gnawing at my sanity
Like, "why are we really here?"
"Will I always be alone?"
"Why am I daydreaming of a stage,
As if, it should be my home?"
"Why am I lacking confidence
Or any shade of love for self?"
"Why do so many place their faith
In the dusty, book upon my shelf?"
"Where is this supposed God?"
"Does He not see us failing him?"
"Or is He too concerned with praise,
And not the inner light that's glowing dim?"
"Must we always bow before we pray?"
"Does He ego need a constant stroke?"
"Constant worship for the insecure,
Aren't these words on which I should choke?"
But there are the truest thoughts of mind
Often thought in anger for a time
And I'm still looking for a reason
I just took the day to make them rhyme
I seek not to offend a reader
Merely alleviate the stress
That has become the avalanche
That's truly left my mind a mess
But I feel the anger rising up
When I think of bodies laid to rest
In the name of their belief
Worn so proudly on their chest
But with so many gleeful sheep
How could the shepherd ever fail
In the eyes of a growing flock
That feels He always will prevail
And you can't ever slip some reason
Into the cocktail of their choice
Because it's their angelic choir
That is drowning out your angry voice
So it's better to leave them to their tales
While a search for reason lingers on
As we forget about the buttons
The politicians have their fingers on...