A Reflex I've Gained

"A Reflex I've Gained"
2012

I stare at the glass, see shades of the past
And I wonder, "is God disappointed in me?"
'Cause my bitterness, has bled into pride
And now rage has joined them in me
This destruction I've wrought, is not conscious thought
No, it's just a reflex I've gained
And the lines on my face, show time that I waste
Revealing each shade of my shame
So peel me away, from all that I am
And show me whatever remains
Then tell God and his son, that I'm far from done
But it's hard to call out their names
Oh, what I need from you, is just to be true
Save your pity for someone in need
'Cause I've buried my hopes, along with my cares
And no, I'm not proud of that deed
But I feel that it's best, to lay them to rest
'Cause they've only blessed me with tears
And now my wasted youth, is a sign that the truth
Was on the list of my greatest fears
So peel me away, from all that I am
And show me whatever remains
Then tell God and his son, that I'm far from done
But it's hard to call out their names
I wish I could stay, but I should go away
It seems I'm best when I am alone
So don't bother to ring, I've said everything
You don't need to reach for your phone
And I hate that I feel, like my thoughts are real
But they're the only voice that I've heard
And you may disagree, but darling to me
There's some truth in each little word
See, each wall that I've built, the mortar is guilt
For feeling the way that I do
'Cause someone out there, is in true despair
And not they're not here crying to you
I'm so worthless my dear, you don't have to fear
I won't waste anymore of your time
Though the seasons may change, my outlook is strange
But there's a reason behind every rhyme
So peel me away, from all that I am
And show me whatever remains
Then tell God and his son, that I'm far from done
But it's hard to call out their names
'Cause I really don't know, if I still believe
Or if I ever did at all...