The Devil On My Shoulder Said

This was a poem that was kind of hard to write. It is part one of two really dark pieces that I wrote. This first one deals with that voice in the back of your mind, that's always seeking to discourage you and convince you not to do things you want to do. Unfortunately, the things said by that "voice", are really things I normally tell myself on a daily basis. Which is not a healthy thing, I know. But instead of writing it that way, I thought of that old depiction of a man having an angel and a devil on his shoulder. And since that "voice" is always negative, I equated it with the "devil on my shoulder." So what follows is the conversation with that devil, in a more poetic form.

"The Devil On My Shoulder Said"
2011

I've watched you kill your self-respect
Each time and time again
And I've watched you mutilate
Any pride you've held within
And that's all fine and well
But friend, what I have to know
Is why you'll wait 'til now
To try and get the stones to show
That you'll try to find a brighter day
And you'll hope to find it right away...
Because I'll just get to watch you fail
And have a darker tale to tell
'Cause it's when you don't prevail
That you go back inside the well
Just to drown in the despair
That feels so much like home
Oh, the devil on my shoulder said
That I will spend my life alone
And I've watched you as you wait
For her to look your way
Thinking every single time
That this might be your day
But friend, she'll never waste her time
On a soul who looks like you
'Cause you're far too fat to miss
And far too hideous to kiss
So you can try to find a brighter day
But you'll never find it right away...
And then I'll get to watch you fail
And have a darker tale to tell
'Cause it's when you don't prevail
That you go back inside the well
Just to drown in the despair
That feels so much like home
Oh, the devil on my shoulder said
That I will spend my life alone
And I've watched you question God
Like you were a friend of mine
But your loyalty is flawed
'Cause you crawl back to him in time
But I will seek to own your heart
And I'll prove His lack of care
'Cause you've often cried and prayed
And tell me, was He ever there?
Friend, I know your answer's no
It doesn't have to leave your lips
He's placed everything you'd want
Far beyond your fingertips
And He will tempt you with the girl
Who liked you as a child
But now that you're adults
You can barely see her smile
Unless it's at another man
Who'll treat her worse than you
So if you really want to change
Friend, this is what you have to do
Accept that you'll never find a brighter day
And you have to accept it right away...
And then I'll get to watch Him fail
As I enjoy the darker tale you'll tell
'Cause it's when He don't prevail
That even Heaven feels like Hell
And then these darling flames
Start to feel so much like home
Oh, the devil on my shoulder said
That I will spend eternity alone
And friend, I fear he's right
Because when I look around
Everything resembles night
And there is no light around
And the things I once held dear
Just don't feel the same
And I know you'd hate to hear
Just who I'd like to blame
Because it's not my God
I point the finger at myself
And yes, my point of view is flawed
I finally agree with someone else
But I just can't help the hate
I've always had for me
And so now it's here I'll wait
As things get bad for me
Because it's how they always were
For as long I'll recall
And pass this message on to her
"Just know you're not to blame at all,"
I've accepted there is no brighter day
Because this world took my fight away...
And then it got to watch me fail
And it heard the darker tale I'd tell
'Cause it's when I don't prevail
That I go back inside the well
Just to drown in the despair
That feels so much like home
Oh, the devil on my shoulder said
That I will spend eternity alone...