This is where being a muse for me can end up being a double-edged sword, lol. These two particular pieces are about a woman that is very important to me. Her name is Natalie, and she tends to pop up in a lot of my writing, such as my most recent poem "Try Your Hand At Sin." But I chose these two poems, because I felt that they best represented the two extreme ends of the spectrum of inspiration, that she was able to bring about in my writing. Sometimes my emotions are powerful, so my reactions tend to be almost overwhelmingly nice, or harsh and visceral. And sometimes, this woman has the power to bring out the worst and best in me.
"Letter To A Spider"
Dear Spider,
Thank you for nothing. Except for one-night of half-hearted pleasure. It was more than I had for the time being. And at the beginning, your sugar-coated lies were too much for even a seasoned fly to resist. Sure I flew to see you once, and candlelight surrounded a satin-covered web. I enjoyed my stay, even as you crawled all over me. Then you took me inside of you, as if it was the only thing you ever wanted to do. More lies were spilled in between your moans. How my words made you cry. And how at night you dreamed of finding a fly like me. And I cant forget your offer to see your scars. As proof, to let my love pour into you. Oh, my darling widow, how sweet they did sound. But make no mistake friend, lying isn't the only thing you do well with your mouth. I would fly to the web one more time, to feel its' talents for old time's sake. But slowly you were losing interest, because I am such a wary fly. So you were slowly turning a cold shoulder towards me. And as the temperatures dropped, your web slowly but surely lost its hold. And with the threat of directing justified words your way, you banished me from the web. And I was ostracized for calling you out on unconfirmed discretions. And oh, how childish the widow can be, when she has lost her hold. It is truly a comical situation. And then I became the inquisitive fly, and offered questions dressed up in apologies to see if I could return to the web. For which I felt a little foolish. But alas, my request was denied. And much to my surprise, and as possible proof of my suspicions, I have come to find you have quickly caught another in your web. But the only change, is that you claim to have given him your heart. Which I find to be pathetically cliché. Unless of course, your new fly was spending nights in your web, while you were convincing me you weren't like all of the other spiders. It's funny, looking back you are so incredibly see-through. But at the time, when you were in front of me, certain parts of you were blinding me to that fact. And my dear widow, please don't mistake this as a bitter journal of our short time together. But rather as my understanding for the manipulative creature that you are. It's simply in your nature. The difference I hope to make, is if your new fly is as naive as I was, then you should simply reveal your true nature to him at the beginning. And maybe your sugar-coated lies will go down as well with him, as you went down on me. Take care of yourself. It's a jungle out there. And with women, excuse me, widows like you, we flies have to keep our wings ready at a moment's notice. Good luck with the catch. I hope that satin web, still feels as good.
Sincerely,
The Seasoned Fly
And here is the other side of that respective, metaphoric coin...
"Bittersweet Memories (For Natalie)"
2009
I am standing at the edge of the unknown.
Hoping that the bridge I once tried to burn
Will light up this path I've been shown
But a breeze will cause the ashes to fly
Like some darkened snowstorm
While I scream your name 'til the echoes reply
And you sit in your home, so far away
Adjusting to each semblance of change
While I'm searching a mind, that's starting to fray
My memories are fluid, too hard to grasp
But each one contains your face
And I curse as they fail to last.
And yes, the candles still burn as bright
As they did on that night
When your lips tasted so sweet,
And my love fit your body just right
The moment our temples combined
On silk sheets that were spread
I thought I was just caught your web
But was blessed to be on your cloud instead
As you took me to places
I only dreamed I would see
And if I could turn the world with my words
You know it's right there I'd be
Thrusting on top you at best
Or beneath your moving body at worst
As you caused my temple to shake
After I did the same to you first
And with the walls you tore down
We will build these altars for us
And the world will not see
The effigies of our lust
But I now grow tired of sifting
Through these mental pictures of bliss
For it hurts too much to recall
Your welcomed touch that I miss
So now I'm closing the well
That's far from run dry
And I'll offer this apology
Along with my reason why
The one I once labeled a widow
Turned out to be a goddess of mine
And the star of the bittersweet memories
I'm now regaining with time.
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