The Ecstasy Of Self

This was another one of my more ambitious pieces. I was doing a good bit of reading about psychologists Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud. I was set on that path of reading after watching a lyric video on youtube, for a brilliant song called "Forty Six & Two" by Tool. After watching that informative video, I started reading and reading. And after I researched, I remembered a conversation with my brother from another mother, Mr. Damon Bowie, about how some saints were martyred years and years ago. And we talked about the "ecstasy" they felt, sacrificing themselves for something they truly believed in. So with all of this information swirling in my head, I was chomping at the bit to write. And the result was this poem. A piece about metaphorically sacrificing and the martyring of the parts of myself that I don't like, in order to transcend and become a person I can be proud of. And truly feel ecstasy for the first time.

"The Ecstasy Of Self"
2011

Now when I look so deep inside
My inner Hyde no longer hides
And it's then I often see
The things I've been denied
For suppression made me weak
And too afraid to speak
But now I'll soon enjoy
All this havoc I will wreak
'Cause I use to think so much of life
That I've forgotten how to live
And now my inner bitterness
Is the only gift I have to give
But darling that will change today
As I improve my health
By my finally going through
This ecstasy of self
Now I've seen the anima within
And I've shown persona out
Oh, shadow come and show me things
That I've long forgot about
And then I will beg the id
To fully manifest in me
And make me the kind of man
I've always wished to be
'Cause I use to think so much of life
That I've forgotten how to live
And now my inner bitterness
Is the only gift I have to give
But darling that will change today
As I improve my health
By my finally going through
This ecstasy of self
And for such a lack of subtlety
Persona will have to suffer me
As I pierce the flesh of yesterday
Teaching no to say yes today
For now I'll never been denied
Things to inflate my wretched pride
As I see yet another femme fatale
That I would die just to be inside
'Cause my persona was so very flawed
That I'd have to hide my wants
But in my shadow I'm a demi-god
That Satan never tempts or taunts
Because He's come to recognize
That my veil has slipped away
So it's here before our very eyes
That I will transcend the older way
'Cause I use to think so much of life
That I've forgotten how to live
And now my inner bitterness
Is the only gift I have to give
But darling that will change today
As I improve my health
By my finally going through
This ecstasy of self
And now this pleasure principle
Is a dogma in my eyes
That I will follow blindly 'til
I lay hands upon my prize
And I will never second guess
The things I wish to do
Until I'm labeled as the best
That's ever been inside of you
So girl, consult your animus
And you'll find that I'm for real
Unless the misery life is handing us
Is all you wish to feel
'Cause I've felt it everyday
Until I chose to quit
And now my shadow is a flame
That's forever remaining lit.