My Inner Masochist

"My Inner Masochist"
2012

It's looking like the kind of night
That I have come to love
Where the warmest of embrace
Has become a violent shove
And every shoulder here
Grows colder by the breath
So pride then begins to fear
It's impending public death
But girl, I saw you smile
Before you locked the door
And you threw away the key
Like you've done this all before
But that's alright with me
I've been expecting this
'Cause what I'll do tonight
Is not a gesture you can miss
So pretend my skin is torn and flayed
And now I have displayed
All the parts of me
That you have once ignored
And it's on these darkened days
That I have been weighed
And left here bleeding like the fool
That keeps on wanting more
And it's looking like the kind of night
Where I won't have to hide
And my inner masochist
Won't have to be denied
Girl, pull out your favorite blade
And please make sure it shines
So you can cut me nice and slow
Right down these solid lines
'Cause girl, I saw you smile
Before you locked the door
And you threw away the key
Like you've done this all before
But that's alright with me
I've been expecting this
'Cause what I'll do tonight
Is not a gesture you can miss
So pretend my skin is torn and flayed
And now I have displayed
All the parts of me
That you have once ignored
And it's on these darkened days
That I have been weighed
And left here bleeding like the fool
That keeps on wanting more
Girl, there's no amazing grace
For this local shade of wretch
With his darkened point of view
That only some will catch
See, the others disregard
The statements that I make
But they won't fail to see
Each pound of flesh you take
With the passing of a blade
Held so tightly in your hand
That you almost cut yourself
Each time your arm would land
But I'm not mad at all
'Cause I got my wish fulfilled
It's too bad my apathy
Would end up getting killed
But indifference never helped
Do any single thing
That would get your ass to give
My lonely phone a ring
So now I'm acting out
Some foolish fantasy
Full of gestures grandiose
Just to be the man you'd see
As merely something more
Than your shy and quiet friend
Who could make your body shake
If you'd only let him in
But alas I've failed again
It seems my number's never pulled
We just go 'round and 'round
Until the circle's truly full
And I'd be lying if I said
That it didn't hurt a bit
But I'm a glutton for the pain
I've come to you to get
And darling, I've tried my best
To get your eyes to see
But I had to crash and burn
'Cause you're adverse to subtlety
So I had to venture out
To emasculate my hidden fears
In the hope I'd censor doubt
But I'm instead forbidden here
'Cause you've claimed I've painted you
As the tyrant of my life
When all I've ever said
Was that you're a goddess with a knife
Who I will beg to kill the parts of me
That are an unattractive sight
While hoping it's the heart of me
That you'll carry home tonight
 'Cause girl, I saw you smile
Before you locked the door
And you threw away the key
Like you've done this all before
But that's alright with me
I've been expecting this
'Cause what I'll do tonight
Is not a gesture you can miss
So pretend my skin is torn and flayed
And now I have displayed
All the parts of me
That you have once ignored
And it's on these darkened days
That I have been weighed
And left here bleeding like the fool
That keeps on wanting more
It seems my soul has got a curse
That I will never break
'Cause I keep failing to receive
While giving everything you'll take
And I believe I'm truly prone
To want the ones who will neglect
The desires, hopes, and dreams
That a small number would collect
But I guess that's life for me
I'll have to live it 'til it's done
And accept I'll never taste the goddess
That will never seem to come...